All around me are trials just like everyone. It’s like when you become a Christian the darts start flying. You can’t control the joy in your heart and want others to see and feel it too. Too sad there are only a few that find that narrow gate. The rest the wide. That’s why I get upset. I know it’s up to God but, we still have to spread the word. We never know when we will reach another elect Christian through our words and gifts of the Lord. I can’t work right now, no jobs, not to mention my dad has pancreatic cancer and is very hard to deal with. He’s always been that way. It’s worse now. The closer it gets the worse it will be. I have family estrangements. I am not alone. We all have it and more to come. God says he will never give us more than we can handle. So after I get angry, forgive me Lord. Then I can get control again and move on.
I did leave at 7:30 yesterday and did not come back til 3:00 today. I was so upset. I did not want to come back. My mom called voice mail three times. I called my brother to call and tell them I was alright. I ended up staying at my Aunt’s. We are alike in the sensitive department. She had a narcissistic mother, my grandmother. It came through, the mental illnesses all out of gene lines both maternal and paternal. No wonder we are all messed up. I know there are worse stories than ours. I pray for all those victims of abuse and bullying, people starving, babies dying of it all over the world, all the terrible diseases more coming, all our men and women in war, their families who do and will always need our prayers. They come home messed up (PTSD). My dad was in the Korean war. I am sure that has a lot to do with him. God hears our prayers of mourning. How long Lord, how long? My dad told my mom yesterday, he is probably bipolar too. This is what happened my whole life. I can’t just take it only so long. Especially leaving my marriage last November for the same things said yesterday, everyday there. Go ahead Lord you suffered more than I could ever imagine to free us from sin and make us worthy to share eternal life. It’s wonderful to know there is an end to this road that leads to him. No sorrows, no pain, no suffering, no wars, no prejudice, no worries about money or anything. Just peace and joy that we will know forever his Light and Glory upon us. He loves us so much he sent his self, his son in the flesh. To let us have the grace by faith, by not seeing, to come to him. He knew before the beginning who would be called and accept, truly accept. I hope it’s you and more and more, in abundance, Amen Lord Jesus.
P.S. My mother said she is going to read the Bible, New Testament. That’s a blessing, pray she does.