My life before Bipolar

No I am not a boy!!!

I grew up in a small town in Michigan. I can remember at seven years old when a new girl moved into the neighborhood. I had a friend for many years and three became a crowd to the new girl. She had my friend take a strap from a lawn chair and hit me across the face. I could not understand what I had done and my mother never confronted the parents.

Mom was always whipping us. Yep her dad was a major abuser. One day was really a bad bruiser. I said I was leaving. When I came home later she said I thought you were not coming back. Mom’s sister was watching my brother and I one day and took us through the gates to the river. We sat down on the cement edge and dangled our feet over the water. She made comments like lots of kids fall in the river and it really scared me. One time I wanted to help at my grandmother’s and she said no. I was a kid and went to pick up a sponge in the bucket and she struck me hard across the face. She never did it again but, once was enough. I also experienced some sexual abuse. Everything seemed okay until fifth grade. Then I was teased about my last name constantly. Even a teacher joined in at one point. I wanted to be invisible so I could be left alone. I was a good student but, did not participate in classes because I did not want to bring notice to myself.

In high school there was one real bully that embarrassed me also.  He also from what I saw bullied a friend of mine and I’m sure others. I wish I had the guts to report or confront him but, back then you just took what was dished out. I fell from being a good student to very poor performance.

I experimented with many drugs and alcohol. I couldn’t wait to get out of high school. Years later I asked my nephew once if he knew what a wallflower was he didn’t but, I explained. I told him I didn’t want to be the wallflower I wanted to be inside the wall.

So after all this stuff.  I am who I was then. I have forgiven all these things, so I could be forgiven. We are all sinners, not one better than the other. Life’s trials bring you to the Lord who calls you. Nothing man does can get him to Jesus, to the Father. Mark 26-27 You realize finally when he calls you, there is no one else but, him who can save you. I was broken and lost, now I am whole and found.

The burden has been lifted as Jesus promises. Matthew 11:28-30  Now I belong to Jesus who has given me a new personality of his choosing,  Amen, Lord Jesus, Come Quickly

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7 thoughts on “My life before Bipolar

  1. What is a wallflower? lol…. That is a terrible childhood. I am sorry to hear all that happened to you, and I am sure there is much more to the story than just that. 😦 How awful. 😦 I am so so so sorry. 😦 If anything though, I can say that I think it has made you the strong person that you are today because you did go through all of that. Sounds kind of weird, but it is a positive. 🙂

  2. As messed up as some things can get in life, I truly believe that their is a purpose for every one of us in God’s eyes. God’s loves us more than we can imagine, and it is through His grace that we are saved. I hope that you see that purpose that God will’s for your life.

    If I look back at my life just five years ago, there was a lot of sadness and sorrow. Five years later, things have completely turned around for me. When I look back at my past, it is as if I am looking at a movie about someone else. The only constant in our lives is – CHANGE! Embrace that change, and seek out God’s will and I am sure you will find it.

    God Bless…

    http://ginzotalk.wordpress.com

  3. great post…

    I can totally relate to your story. reading about your past,
    brings me to my childhood days, how my guardians (my parents were separated) was beating me with a wood the size similar to a baseball bat.
    how, I got pointed by a gun by my guardian for a petty, children’s quarrel with my brother.

    I can go on with a list, but I thank the Lord Jesus for transforming us, no. He made us a new creation!

    I’m not sure if I was bi-polar a few years ago, but there were signs. so unconscious of such but only the Love of Jesus, perhaps the reason sometimes we are awed how God really saves us.

    may the grace of our Lord Jesus, be upon you..

    grace and peace sis

    • Yes there is a big list. The biggest gift of mercy happened to us though. We know he was always there with us to bring us to our salvation after our conversion. God Bless you also. I feel your pain and sorrow. The Lord’s pain on the cross was more than we could ever imagine to save us.

      All things are possible with God
      Sis

  4. My deepest prayers for all the abuse you endured as a child. My childhood was the opposite. I had a wonderful chlldhood filled with love and music, as my father loved opera. My abuse came in my 20’s with a marriage later on. But while I was brought up young in a Congregational church and even taught Sunday school in high school, I was not saved. The salvation message was never taught. Jesus is love…My testimony is on my site too…a long one. Look at Joyce Myers, who also went through childhood abuse. Pastors told her she would never have a ministry, right? God uses all of us right where we are and what we came out of. Come join my Christian friends, pastors..on Facebook..we hold each other up, and I have a good bunch. https://www.facebook.com/jans.right

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