What’s expected next.

Christians will tell you all prophesies except the second coming of our Lord have come to pass. Before every knee bows, you will witness more terrible disasters you could ever even think of. The seven years of these times of terror are around the corner. This Christmas season look past the commercial Christmas. Our church saw little children presenting the true reason for Christmas. Amazing voices glorifying God.

I thought to myself, how many people know or even want to truly know Christ our King. It’s not a fairy tale people. It is the true word of God written down by men inspired by God himself. Stop saying the Bible is not all true. If you say that you are calling God a liar. If you say you are without sin, you are calling God a liar. If you say, I am a good person, and I think I will go to heaven on my own merits because I don’t hurt anyone, or I do good deeds for others that  look good, I am calling God a liar.

Here is what God says about all of us who say I am good enough.

Romans 3:10-18

There is none righteous, no not one; There is none who understands; Eccl 7:20

There is none who seeks after God.

They have all turned aside; They have together become unprofitable; There is none who does good, no not one.”

Their throat is an open tomb; With their tongues they have practiced deceit”, Ps 5:

The poison of asps is under their lips”. Ps 140:3

Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness.” Ps 10:7

Their feet are swift to shed blood; destruction and misery are in their ways;

And the way of peace they have not known.” Isaiah 59:7, 8

There is no fear of God before their eyes.” Ps 36-1

I know that was me before He gave me grace through faith. Take the time to know your Savior Christ Jesus, Our Father, the Son and Holy Spirit within us. Don’t be mislead in this time of deceivers, those denying Christ. You can give them all your money. You can see how they are immensely rich on your money.  Why are they living their best life now? Because their eternity will be the worst life.

Read the parable of the Rich man and Lazarus. Luke 16:17-31.  I pray you understand these things God reveals unto His chosen. Don’t be eternally separated from God, heed His warnings through all true Christians taught by His true Word, the Bible. If you can,  let Him reveal the truth. And you will no longer be calling Him a liar.

May God bless you according to His will for your life. He knows your gifts to give others, in hopes and prayers they will see and believe as you will.

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Committed, are You?

I am stressing the importance of total committed faith in the Lord. I attend a small church. We need more involvement from our members. When Christ is your Savior it is very important to be a light that shows others; I am not just attending church on Sunday only. Most of us have a prayer night or bible study night to attend. Sad to say mostly the same members are involved in Awana, youth group and prayer group. Don’t get me wrong this is not the case with all our Christian churches.

Some older people would like to come but, we should offer if possible to bring them. Maybe they cannot come, if they are ill or shut ins. Maybe they are parents working late or they just need to realize how important this is for their children. We can make many excuses. Every week buses go and pick up youth and children who can meet at a central location.

This is not about you only.This about our children’s generation. Who is going to help them to know the Lord as their Savior? What will they pass on to the next generation and so on? It’s a parent that is faithful to the Lord’s plan that will influence them. If we don’t tell them will they every know about anything but, this fallen world. There is a heaven and a hell. You are their example. We will all stand accountable on that day of judgement, every one of us… Make a difference get involved in your church. Remember that is how the truth that Christ is the only way to heaven gets passed down from generation to generation. Be committed to Christ’s our Lord’s plan today.

God Bless!

And we know this that scoffers will come.

2 Peter 3:1-18

Yes, some things that are happening now have happened before but, they are happening more and more. I see it do you? We have people demonstrating against the police. We have so many, many, uh natural disasters. Our government and other countries’ governments are going kaput. Not to mention the wars, diseases, pestilences unleashed.

In every generation we are told to watch and be ready for the return of Christ. Every generation of Christians have awaited His return.

In the bible in His words, Jesus answers:  “Now as He sat on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to Him privately, saying, Tell us, when will these things be? And what will be the sign of Your coming and the end of the age?” Our hopes as Christians is that you desire to know? Matthew 24:3; Mark 13: 3, 4; Luke 21:7. Jesus gives a complete answer in the same gospels and goes on to forewarn us of what  will be. Mathew 24:4-31; Mark 13:5-27; Luke 21:7-28.

I am not going to write this all down because everyone in this world does or will have heard His words. Many of those being you that have a bible in your own home. I can encourage you to open and read it. And all true Christians encourage you to search the scriptures. Don’t believe that there is one on earth that is your leader because they are just men and women, sinners like us. They have no authority over the bible to tell you what it says and you should never take their words to interpret them for you. Yes, we have teachers, preachers, disciples now and where do they preach the true infallible word from? The Bible.

This Christmas and now forward seek and find the truth and truly it does set you free. John 8:31-36

Have a Blessed Christmas!!!

What stuff can I take with me?

What have you left behind? Did you ever leave somewhere and lost all your stuff? I have several times. All the rest of that stuff is in Lebanon. I brought what I could sixty pounds of clothes and guess what? I have more stuff now. I saw all my brother’s stuff laid out for sale. His whole life of stuff left behind. Not too much of that stuff sold and the rest went to charity. His house sold in a couple of days. When I left the last time I felt sad for he would no longer be there and the stuff was all there and I could no longer look at it. I did choose some of it to go with my stuff in my new apartment. It’s a comfort thing for me knowing it was his. Some of it even was my grandparents, both sides and my dads. I have a collection of baseball hats, dad’s and my brother’s. I have his army jacket and his biking clothes. Maybe I will wear them. He was an avid biker. He really loved it. I have his special treasure here for now. It’s his cat named Myteka. He just jumped up by me. That is truly the most special. I know how much he loved his cat and I love him also. We bonded when my brother was dying. My brother was happy about that. My brother and I in our last months together were strong in our faith in Christ together. I now can go forward and be busy about the Lord’s business. Hallelujah!

He would not be happy with the estrangement in our family. I do think he knew it would be this way. My other brother never wants to see my sister and I again. It’s because of all the stuff we did to him. Like helping all along, you know it does not matter. I told my mom to let it go. She blames him for me moving out and for treating my sister badly also. I told her, God sees all we have ever done. It is all out in open and we are accountable for not repenting and being obedient to him. No matter what you think or say you are going to die someday to the body. Your soul will never die. No stuff is worth being right or in charge or self-righteous over. God says the wise are made unwise because their thoughts are futile. They deny him and believe they are above all rule. They say I control my own destiny. No one is in charge of me. No stuff is worth anything in the hereafter. Your heart and soul, all of you being In Christ is above all else. Pray you can surrender to Christ as your Savior today.

Don’t let yourself be deceived. Don’t be believing that all religions lead to heaven and we all worship the same god. You can not create God to your fleshly standard. We have nothing to say about a thing. He tells us in his word that is why many will be without excuse. All will be accountable because we can look around and see his wonderful creations. Can you look around and truly say this all just came into being. If you can you are denying God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. You must repent or perish. Please don’t be one that He says to: “Depart from me I never knew you”.

Matthew 7:23

Viewing the King James Version. Click to switch to 1611 King James Version of Matthew 7:23.

And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

I am asking for prayer for my sister, Jackie. An MRI showed two spots on her pancreas. She is having an Endoscopic ultrasound Monday. Our faith is strong no matter. More and more diagnosis of this cancer is happening. three in my family since 2011. I am advising all to get checked. My family most of us have acid reflux. They say this cancer is not hereditary depending what doctor you see. I think it is. Some doctors say it is a death sentence when it gets there. Maybe earlier diagnosis will help we will get that answer. She is under stage one if it is.

Endoscopic Ultrasound

Physicians guide the endoscope through the stomach to provide visualization of a pancreas tumor(s).Although CT and MRI show many pancreatic cancers, some can be missed, especially when a tumor is small. If one highly suspects the presence of disease, endoscopic ultrasound (EUS) is essential.

EUS is a relatively new endoscopic procedure that uses an ultrasound probe at the tip of an endoscope to provide high-quality, detailed images of structures in and around the gastrointestinal tract. During upper endoscopy, the echoendoscope is placed in the stomach and duodenum to obtain detailed images of the entire pancreas and adjacent structures. Tumors are more accurately detected – or excluded – by EUS as compared to CT or MRI.

EUS also provides a means for tissue diagnosis. Under real-time EUS guidance, a fine needle aspiration (FNA) biopsy can be performed to provide a cytopathologic sample. EUS is a more accurate and safer method to perform biopsies of pancreatic tumors than other methods, including endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography (ERCP) and percutaneous image-guided biopsies.

God Bless, Thank you for prayers.

My brother I miss you and where is my other brother?

My bro, my bro, I have said it many times since August. So it is not out of sight, out of mind, Amen! I will think of him as I study. I will think of him in church, at the beach, always. I will think of him as he would be sad to see his twin hating his sister and his own family. It got so bad I had to walk away. I had to move out on my own, to get away from his disgust of me. I am weak. The Lord is strong.

We took our girl vacation this week to Myrtle Beach. It has been very nice, except for too much yapping from time to time in the car. My aunt and I have a pretty short toleration for my mom. She can’t change, only by the grace of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit is that possible. I pray that happens but, it is God’s grace that turns a sinner to the light, to Him. Through Jesus Christ, we know the Father, and then the Holy Spirit dwells within us always. You can’t have one without the other.

I had to make some big decisions. God was with me and is as I move along this time in this world. I am not wanting to be here. We always strive to be with the Lord. Ultimately it is not our call. So I hang tight, hold unto Him and do what He has for me. I am out the other side of it for now. I am looking forward to working again and following His plan for me. It is already written by Him what will be. So really after you are His, (His forever) you will do His purpose. What I will do for others, not for me? He takes care of that part.

Slowly I am working back into things I loved to do before my brother was ill and has gone to sleep in the Lord. He is enjoying forever already. I have starting visiting those in need of care. I am loving the release time bible school once a month. Those kids are so excited about the Lord. I have other things I will do also. I like staying busy enjoying the rewards now from the Lord.

I can’t change relationships. They have to go His course, away from Him or to Him. I would love to see it happen in many cases, really a magnitude of cases. I can’t underestimate what our Almighty God can do. We can see no light in others, and then they start to shine with the knowledge of Him, His truth, why we are here. To realize by His will we are His and be obedient. Regardless of that, what is there, really? Eternal life with Him or eternal life with satan.  For nothing we do will ever make us worthy. We are fallen sinners after our own desires. I have done that most of my life. I did not have anything to look forward to. Now I can see  and  know the truth. You can be on your death-bed. You can be suffering so many ills, and horrible circumstances and yet you know, He is there. He is not a mean God. He did not bring evil upon us, He can do no evil. He is not the author of evil, the prince of darkness is. That serpent of old called the devil and satan, who deceives the whole world;  he was cast to the earth, and his angels were cast out with him. (Revelation 12:7-8)

So are we worried about this world, no? Is it going last this way forever, hardly? It is going to roll up like a scroll, yes? Yes, He tells us that in His word, the Bible. (Revelation 6:14;  Revelation 6) So should you fear God? Yes!

Jesus Teaches the Fear of God

“And I say to you, My friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body, and after that have no more that they can do. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear Him who, after He has killed, has power to cast into hell; yes, I say to you, fear Him! (Luke 12:4-5)

God Bless!

Having fun shopping, sitting on the beach, reading and above all else, Praising the Lord!!!

A testimony of complete surrender to God’s will.


I am so sorry to hear about Mark’s passing.  I know that the past couple months have been very hard for you especially as you have had to bear the burden of discord in your family.  I am glad to hear that you are trusting the Lord through all this.  We have been praying for you and will continue to do so. As I think about Mark and our correspondence the past year I am reminded of what Paul said in 2 Timothy 4:6-8 For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand. 7 I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: 8 Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.
Mark certainly had a difficult fight in his last days, not only a physical battle with cancer, but also a tremendous battle emotionally and spiritually.  But his testimony in the end was that he was going to trust the Lord to the end.  And today he is with the Lord ready to receive that crown of righteousness!

Cheryl and Family,

There is no greater hope and desire that a Pastor can have in serving God’s people during the time of death than to bring honor and glory to the Name of God by being a source of comfort and encouragement to those who are grieving.  I pray that this has been the case in my interaction with your family over the past couple of weeks especially at Mark’s Memorial Service.  It was a great privilege to give testimony to Mark’s faith in Jesus Christ and I pray that it was a comfort to you all.
Below is a copy of the email from which I read at the memorial service.  I pray that it will go on as a source of comfort and encouragement as you read it and remember Mark’s faith.
Pastor Mark,
Good to hear from you.  Thank you for the verses too.  Everyday is a struggle as you can well imagine with cancer.  I was almost ready to throw in the towel this week but managed to get through it again.  I am having issues sleeping and this week I was extremely bloated and could not eat.  I have since ceased taking all medications except for diabetes medication as I believe that is the current issue. Hopefully I will be able to function without them.  
My biggest struggle is trying to understand what God is trying to show me with this illness.  The Bible says that God uses all things for our good for His purposes. Even though we may never understand them while on this earth, I still try to do so.  I know we live in a fallen world and that all creation is cursed as a result, but I guess I always hoped God would protect His beloved.  We are certainly protected from losing our salvation but our physical health is just our body which is passing away anyway. I totally trust God and absolutely know that He cannot do evil and believe that His ways are so far beyond me so whatever is happening to me, He is in control. It’s just hard when you know and understand God is also a healing God as well.
I am trying an alternate cancer treatment that I have high hopes will work to cure the cancer but again, it’s really up to God whether it will work or not.  God continues to show me more about His truth everyday, especially things that are so often glossed over by the churches of today.  I’m reading A. W. Pink’s “The Doctrine of Election” which is mind blowing”.  He has so many profound thoughts which he has written in the book but here’s one of my favorites:
“It is one of the marks of the regenerate that they set to their seal that God is true. Nor do they pick and choose, as will religious hypocrites: once they perceive a truth is clearly taught in the Word, even though it be utterly opposed to their own reason and inclinations, they humbly bow to it and implicitly receive it, and would do so though not another person in the whole world believed it.”
I’ve had to do this many times with God’s Word but it is now no longer difficult or as difficult. I am so happy for His truth in coming into my life and will always never understand how God could pick such a sinner as me, but I’m so thankful that He did.

Wake up there are roses to smell in Heaven.

I just don’t know what to think anymore. All the horrible things going on in this world. People are incited to come against injustice. Yet we know that will lead to police states. We will end up in camps under arrest, control. I don’t seeing it too far in the future. Most people don’t even know there are detention centers all over prepared for this. It has been planned by those behind the scenes. What about those 15,000 Russian troops working with FEMA?  They won’t have a problem with us will they? Big everything, money, power, and the biggest evil, Satan, yes he is their ultimate leader, father, master. He planned it all, knowing he is already defeated. In any despicable way he wants to take your soul with him to hell. You have said it or heard over and over “I wish these Christians would stop preaching and go away.”‘ We won’t have time to warn you then or say see ya. You’ll be at the great white throne judgement (Revelation 20) and then we won’t see you anymore. Because after the worst coming upon this world, worse yet, you will suffer for eternity away from the God that loved and made you. He sent His Son, God incarnate, to live the only perfect life. He preached the kingdom and performed miracles. His apostles had the power to do some after He died. It was so those seeing and believing would tell us not seeing then believing. He sent His son to take our place for our sins. He died. Do you believe? Do you believe that He rose from the dead? Have you believed when you heard the gospel many, many times in your life? You will be without excuse for not believing.

I made a joke (so my family thought it was) that if they come with the red truck you will be gassed right away. If they come with the green one you’ll be gassed but you have some time. I know what I have read in many places, with all the signs in front of our faces, “Why don’t they see?” Most can’t. So we reach those that can and will see. I like my new label BPD, borderline personality disorder. I truly can relate to that one. It fits perfect. I am an outspoken In Christ Christian with a BPD thorn. I believe all of us have thorns. The matter is if your thorn will bring you broken to the cross of Christ and to the throne of God. You are not in charge. He is.

It took me most of my (vapor) life time here to be that broken clay pot. Remember, He is the Potter. I looked up and said I can’t do it anymore. He already knew it. Amen I believed. I trust. I follow. He leads. He is The Good Shepherd, My Savior, My King, My God, The I AM.

It’s been a while since I have felt like writing. God has been very busy everywhere. My brother’s twin does not want me there anymore. I am his sister. Sister to both the non-believing brother and believing (saved, born again) brother that has a few hours, a day maybe. I can’t be there. I am alone at my mother’s house. Because he can’t handle that God is working right next to him. He is angry. There is nothing he can do to stop his brother from pain or dying. He does not want to accept it. He wants to blame me or rant on me. Poor BPD me. That thorn sticks hard when you have all this going on.

I have been back since Friday alone. My aunt is wonderful to me. She was already here when I got here, my second comforter. I have had some pretty sad moments all in faith with the Lord. I have had joyous moments knowing my brother’s suffering for over a year is almost done. What made me write tonight is what my aunt said. My brother is sedated but, still is going through the motions of working at his job. He really loved what he did. I thank God he let him enjoy doing it from home until near this end. I cried visualizing  him working. I won’t be there when he dies. You see I had to move out-of-the-way. The closer it got the more I had to let my other brother exert his so-called power. He does not have any power. He will face that soon. I don’t know the after part. I only know that God knows it.

This year our church had a new mission. It’s called “Each one Reach one”. I pray that is the case.  Lord Jesus it is all for you, not for us.

In everything, God is there.

I just want to share with someone I was like glue with. These last four years have been the most trying time in my life. The loss has been insurmountable. I can look back now and say. The Lord has carried me through. He tells us in His word, when we surrender, that He will never give us more than we can endure.That when we are about to sin, He gives us a way out. I have in Him, peace in everything. It is not that I don’t remember or that the pain is gone. I have peace in this that you have always been a good father. It was best that I was taken out of the equation. No one then and no one now, except, my Aunt Sharon truly understands my illness. And that is okay on this earth. God does know everything about all of us. Our minds, our souls and every hair on our head. This time, with my brother dying has been another big trial for me. My illness has reared its head so many times. I accept what I am. I accept my thorn, my cross to bear. Because I have not bore it without Christ, my solace. I just wanted you to know that I am still who I am in your memory, the best I could be in the time before and after I was diagnosed.  

My brother is at the end and I choose not to see his body dead. I have all the laughs and joy and peace with his last year here. I know right now if someone is toxic for my illness, I run. I have always done that. It is a protection mechanism for me. I want nothing but, what I already have. Nothing material of his is important to me. What I have in my heart, mind and soul are enough. I cherish all I have had in this life. I am sorry there is nothing I can ever do to fix things with you and Nicole. It was broken and beyond repair when I got sick. Your life has been better without me. This I know because over here they have endured it all and it would never have ended for all of  you dealing with me either. I will always have my buttons. I will always blow at some point. I will always come out the other side ashamed of what I have done. I with the Lord’s help will never be consumed by it. I can choose to walk away to protect my sanity. I will survive here until the Lord comes for me. I have peace in that. While I am here I will continue with the work He has given me.
I asked my brother Mike to forgive me yesterday. He says he does but the proof is in that I have no texts keeping me up to date. I have texted my family with updates every day for the longest. I will hear nothing unless I call. I won’t because I don’t want to wake Mark. He wants the ringer on no matter. So we stay in touch by text. My mom will call me later after the nurse comes and goes. He is throwing up tar-like bile now. They are finding out if he is a candidate for a procedure that will allow the bile to be released in a bag. like a colostomy. Then he will choose to be put asleep until he goes. My brother Mike, lost it yesterday screaming that Hospice has been terrible with his care. They have been very wonderful. My brother Mark, has been in charge of his care. What he asks for he gets. If he does not ask they cannot push. It is a violation of his rights to do so. Mike believes he knows it all. I have been trained in this before my dad died and even with my (brain ill) it is the gift the Lord has provided. I am close as a sister in life to my brother Mark. I am much closer because I am his sister In Christ. A blessing beyond all blessings and mercy that can never be earned.
I am posting this on my blog. I know it is not important in the whole of what is going on in this world. I just know that what will come upon this earth is beyond anyone’s worst fears. How do I know? Jesus tells us in His own words in the Gospels and throughout the Old and New Testament. You just have to surrender and believe if you want that mercy. So can you?

You can know the truth before the last trumpet.

The Lord is Our Shepherd we shall not want. I am praising the Lord for He has brought my brother in Christ to acceptance. These are very trying times. We are through trials that make us stronger. I believe the Lord’s purpose will be accomplished for my brother. With all that is going on in this evil world, he will not have to endure what is coming upon it. He will sleep in the Lord and be raised up on the last day. His soul will be present with the Lord until our bodies are joined in the rapture.

Behold, I tell you a mystery: We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.  For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. (Corinthians 15:51-53)

No man can see unless God draws him to the Son, Jesus Christ. If you cannot  believe on Jesus Christ and His sacrifice for you, you will die in your sins. It is where many error to believe there is something good in themselves that can save them. It is not of ourselves we are saved, only by the mercy of God on His chosen. You can’t earn it. You can’t even try to become saved on your own.

Jesus answered: (Nicodemus) ” Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again of the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of is flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is Spirit. ‘Do not marvel that I said to you, You must be born again.’ The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear the sound of it, but cannot tell where it comes from and where it goes. So is everyone who is born of the Spirit.” ( John 3:5-8)

How much more can you not hear and not see? Look at this world today, nothing but man against man. Supposed brothers killing brothers. Now we are seeing one of the biggest uprisings, all out war in the Middle East. Everyone turning their eyes on God’s chosen, Israel. Why do people hate them?  Because the Lord has given them over to their own desires. To destroy all of His people cannot and will not be done. There has always been a remnant saved and will still be. Jesus came as a lamb for the slaughter to be our sacrifice and bring all His chosen to Him. All things are delivered to me of my Father: and no man knows who the Son is, but the Father; and who the Father is, but the Son, and he to whom the Son will reveal him. (Luke 10: 22)

If you should be chosen bow down. Admit you are a sinner, repent. We cannot ask our Almighty God for any deals. We must pray! According to His will not ours. We must surrender our whole self. If  you have no repentance, you will be told. (Jesus) Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name? And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’   (Matthew 5:22-24;   Luke 13:27)

If you can’t  read or hear, you won’t know the truth until the end of days.

Always search for answers in the bible.

I am having a very hard time getting over an incident with my brother and myself. I am hurt and I should be able to slough it off. In fact, I should have been able to slough it off and never let it happen. I know I am not perfect. None of us will be until be meet our Lord when He returns for us. I am in the ashamed stage now. I am praying about it, and it still I cannot release it. I have tried to get peace over it but, can’t yet. I just cannot go in detail for the Lord  knows and my family.

How should it be when a Christian is dying? If they are angry and not wanting to leave this world, what does that mean? Could it be doubt of salvation, the pain of going through your disease? Any type of cancer, or disease is tremendous suffering unto death (which Christians understand is the body going to sleep and being present with the Lord). I met a another Christian gentleman last summer that was angry the Lord has not taken him. I knew another from my church. Near his death, I visited him in the hospital. He was at peace after a long battle with cancer also. When I was leaving he told me to shake his right hand, the one closest to his heart. My brother is going through a range of everything emotionally, anger being the biggest. He says he feels he has never learned how to pray. I reassure him that praying to the Lord is not a bunch of words. That it is him talking to the Lord in his own words. Giving Him the Glory and worship  and awe. I have experienced much through my work for the Lord. I am not the person dying. It is my brother. Maybe I just need to forget right now my hospice knowledge. Maybe I am to close for comfort that way. He has said, why am I suffering so much? Why doesn’t the Lord, just take him? I tell him to think about Our Lord, Jesus and what He suffered.

God did curse us in many ways after the fall of Adam. This is to die, to toil, to suffer, to now not live as long as many did in the Old Testament after the flood. God predetermined everything. He is our sovereign God. He spoke through the prophets, telling us a Savior would be born, a High Priest from the order of Melchizedek, from the tribe of Judah. All previous priests were from the tribe of the Levites. Aaron and his descendants. (Genesis 14:18); (Psalm 110-4); (Hebrews 5-6; 5-10; 6-20; 7-1; 7-10; 7-11; 7-15; 7-17; 7-21)

My brother knows The Lord, His word, the bible. He has studied as I have since being born-again. On and off again he has doubted his salvation all along. Why wouldn’t we doubt we are unworthy sinners. He is God and chose vessels for His honor and vessels for dishonor. Who are we to question God? We cannot know everything about God’s purpose in this life. We can know the mind of Christ through His word. We know his promises and His words are true. God inspired the apostles and others to write down His words. The bible is God breathed, infallible. He is the same always. He never changes.

Anyway I have to go back Sunday to my brother’s. I left because I thought it was best for both of us. My mom and I will go separately on Sunday. We are who he has to be there for him. We have to keep our mouths shut no matter. He does not need or want our advice. If he does, he will ask for it. Why can’t I just learn that? It is because I care and love him. I want to help him, make his pain go away. I want to take his place. I can say right now, I look forward to leaving this world and being with the Lord eternally. I am not facing death right now. I do not know how my death will be. I do not know when it will be. I do not know if we are the generation that will meet the Lord in the sky and be with him always. I don’t know death until I face it myself.  We do know what we need to know now through His word and that should suffice.

I am not looking forward to going back, nor my mom. We don’t want to be yelled at. It is very hard to just sit and say nothing. I pray with the Lord’s help, I will do that. To speak when spoken to only. I can’t see him liking that too much either. Lord let me count on the strength you have given me. I surrender to you to guide me through. I think I am afraid, that there will be no closeness like when my dad passed in 2012. My brother is not wanting to be coddled the same as my dad. It’s the masculinity thing, not wanting to be weak, but dying we all are. Our bodies are sick and being eaten away by cancer and other diseases when it’s our time. I have to face it headstrong in the Lord. I need to respect my brother’s wishes no matter the trial it brings.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him; And he shall guide your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Psalm 18-2; Psalm 18-30

I trust you Lord. Help me with my untrusting.