An eventful life trusting Christ

Still life here goes on. Many blessings since the onset of my bipolar 1 illness. In 2010, I left Lebanon very ill. I left my daughter behind at fourteen and my husband of sixteen years. You see, I was very ill and they did not know how to help me. It was even more exasperated by, my doctor and a pharmacist, not being attentive enough on the drug doses. I was getting invega cut in half. It is not a pill that is scored so I was getting all the time release medication at once. This was extremely a bad time. Just a brief summary of how I was mismanaged. I also got toxic on lithium from weight loss.

I came back to the USA, a totally and completely broken person. Nothing else to do but die. In that despair, I cried Lord please help me. I believe fully in predestination. It was not of me or anything I could ever do. It was God knowing the time for me to be born again, saved. This life began again but, I was a child of God now. All the things from the past were no longer who I was. A way was needed to bring me to a glorifying Him, way to live. I met people at a center for mental illness and physical disabilities. I stayed going for several months. I overheard employees talking about Christians, “Why do they always have to talk about God?” If some one asks you anything about God, you will share the message of Jesus Christ Our Savior, God and Holy Spirit. Needless to say I left. I  got a job in a residential care home, screwed that up and was quite devastated again. My dad had died in 2012 of pancreatic cancer right before that. I also became a Hospice volunteer during that time. I was working at Penney’s next, and my brother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and went to the Lord August of 2014. I lived with him until then. What faith he had. What wonderful direction he gave me in the truth, that Christ died for the elect. Not everyone saying Lord, Lord or saying a prayer is a born again Christian. If you are a Christian you show the light of Christ in you. You preach the Word, His word. You live a life that honors Him.

To the point of all this is to say. I made it through but, thank you Lord for carrying me, loving me, giving me a new life in you. Looking back I would never believe what was in store for my destructed family. After years of complete anger and disgust, and hateful words from them, slowly we came closer. My daughter has come to see me twice in the USA. She is a sophomore in college, doing very well. She is involved in many things and I know with the Lord, she will do His work. I also have continued in the home health care field and in volunteering.

In this past July, my ex-husband by divorce only, became very ill. I never wanted to divorce him but, pressure from family you know, money, inheritance, duh. Anyway he has PKD, poly cystic kidney disease. He had diverticulitis that needed surgery and a colostomy. He made it through and was back in the hospital with infection that would not stop. All this time many prayers were being said for him. Finally, I had to go there. They could not stop the infection that spread to his one kidney. He also has been on dialysis for six years. I got a lot of time to witness to him. He could have a died. I told him that he needed to trust God in everything. Later I told him to trust and give thanks in everything. He had made it through. They had to remove one of his kidneys because the infection had spread there. I stayed two months and came back.

This past two weeks, he has been back in the hospital with infection from the reversal of the colostomy. Another fifteen days finally beat that with a drain tube. The doctor may have poked his celiac nerve. He could not walk without extreme pain. Prayers, and more prayers. He did not have a permanent injury. Oh, and I forgot, his dad got in a car wreck while he was in there. He fractured his leg and totaled his car. They were in the same hospital room. No more driving for him at eighty-two.

So where is God? He is there whenever you call His name. Does he answer your prayers all at once? No way, maybe not all or the way you want. For me, all was answered for my family to be restored. It took six years. Whatever happens I trust. Whatever comes we persevere. When we die, it is absent from here and present with the Lord. Amen, Lord come for us.

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3 thoughts on “An eventful life trusting Christ

  1. Mom, thank you for writing this.

    When I finished reading this I looked back at other tagged posts from 2011 when I did not know what it is to understand or forgive and I felt your pain as though it was still 2011. I will spend my whole life regretting the 4 years I blocked you out — I was a self-centered, ignorant teenager. I was hurting, and in my small mind I never thought of what you might have been feeling; perhaps the same pain I was but tenfold.

    When I first visited you I know I did not know God, but He knew me… I just did not give Him the time of day. I know He knew me because He lead me back to you, reunited us and brought you back to being one of the most loved and valued people in my life. It is no doubt His doing, through your prayer, and my acceptance of His guidance. For this I am forever grateful.

    I can’t take back the things that I did or said (even some of the things I said or the way I acted at times in the summer was questionable) but I know you have already forgiven me and love me unconditionally, as parents do. I can only thank you for guiding me and expediting the formation of my relationship with God. I can only thank you for loving me still and persevering when I did not return your efforts to regain contact. I can only thank you for being my mother, for caring about me nonstop for the past 20 years. I can only say I love you now and I always have, for even when you weren’t around the thought of you made my heart ache in a bittersweet way.

    Dad has never stopped loving you either. It is now my turn to pray for however long it takes for Him to answer me so long as it is His will. I pray my family will live together in the same house again and grow old together and love one another the way I admired when I was a child. If I find someone who loves me with half the love that exists between you and Dad, I’ll be content.

    With so much love and admiration,
    Your daughter,
    Nicole

    • You never have to regret anything. It is very understandable what you felt. I love you soo much. We will see our family back together in the same house. I love you soo much. And dad too.

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