I can hardly believe it has almost been a year since my brother went to the Lord. I think of him everyday. I know he suffered and persevered. I watched it. I don’t know if I really would be that strong with pancreatic cancer. I remember talking to him between (sorry graphic) barfing bile. Lord, Lord you gave him the strength, makes me want to cry, because I miss him. I think back on our relationship as kids and so forth. We were not that close. We were as many families, dysfunctional. Dad was abusive to them physically, but I know the mental aspect hurt the most. Mom was physically, and mentally abusive with me and them. My sister doesn’t remember anything at all like this. You know you look up to your parents and you follow what they do. Dad teased the heck out of him. His twin did it and I did it. (Reminds of when my daughter followed my husband’s disgust for me). Of course, I really do admit I was very ill. I would get upset and they did not know what to do. I guess bits and pieces are there in my memory somewhere. All I know is I felt destroyed. In that time of despair I felt loved by God. I did not understand until later I was trusting him to bring me through. Believe me it was all very terrible.
I was a baby Christian and I remember discovering things in my bible. That we will not need light in heaven because the Lamb and God would be the light. Wow! I went on to read Job. Giving me understanding of the evil satan, given his time to turn Job to curse God. Satan did terrible things to Job. His family was killed, his wealth gone, everyone saying to him you did something to deserve this. He had bolis on his feet and sat scraping them off with a potsherd, And God answered and told Job who do you think you are to question God, the creator. How do we think we deserve any answers? Not here not now, but The Holy Spirit resides within true Christians and that is our help. That is God with us.
Job 2:6-8 New King James Version (NKJV)
6 And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, he is in your hand, but spare his life.”
7 So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord, and struck Job with painful boils from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. 8 And he took for himself a potsherd with which to scrape himself while he sat in the midst of the ashes.
My point to all this is my brother told me I was saved. He said I can’t believe this. He had thought to himself that it would never happen to me. So there you go. I am a sinner in more of a degree than others. In my young adult life, I had already said to myself, (my conscience) because we all have knowledge of good and evil: You will never make it to heaven so why bother. If you are not called to salvation by God, through Jesus Christ the only way, You will perish.
Praise to God, the Father, The son, Jesus Christ, and the Helper, the Holy Spirit.
Don’t perish because we all know by our conscience..