Yesterday was hard. I waited a long time to speak to my husband. I had sent Christian Valentine cards to them. I asked them through AIM if they received them. He said they did and he did not get one, no matter. I did send one though. He said he forgot to answer me a week ago. I was talking a bit about my brother. He said he hopes my brother does not suffer too much like his cousin did. I said I was there with you then. I cried with you over her. He said no one suffered like her. I said everyone suffers with cancer. Anyway I got offended when he said that. I told him you didn’t know my brother anyway. He said what has that to do with it.
I am sorry but, I felt his arrogance over the oceans. I told him that. He said he can’t help it. We got into discussing the past which he wants to forget. I reminded him that he needs to repent for all the times he incited my illness. You see us little bipolars get upset being made fun of or ignored like we don’t exist. He did not love me anymore. He was ashamed of me. He said he will never ask forgiveness because he did nothing wrong. God knows what he did. I told him what God says about not repenting. I told him you will stand before Him one day and be judged. For you must forgive others and repent of your sins or you are lost forever in the lake of fire. I told him the frying pan. He said he will have a much better time down there. Anyway he will never admit he did anything to cause me to leave. I admit and repent I said things to get to him. I know he tramples the Lord Jesus under his feet. He won’t believe. That would mean coming to the light (Jesus) where his sins would be revealed. Even though I was very ill I knew. God knows. I was sick and how can I be responsible? Did I pretend I was and am sick? That I was out of my mind on purpose? For what I did not know I did? I know what I was told I did. After I was tormented. I cracked. Then I asked God, please don’t make me have to leave my family? Then I wanted to die.
These examples of trials that everyone shares make you stronger when you give them to the Lord. For remember He said to His apostles and to us after He told them about His upcoming death and resurrection. These truths are for us today and always…
“Theses things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16)
If we do not repent and obey the Lord we will spend eternity suffering apart from Him. You will know when He returns that He is the living God as the bible tells us. From the Old Testament prophets to the apostles and disciples of the New Testament. Don’t you even wonder why every one is stomping out the Lord. It is because they want to do what is right in their own eyes. They want no one to judge them. They want no one telling them of their sins. They want no one speaking of Jesus. The minute a person hears His name they get angry, defensive. Why? Because satan, wants you to continue on the wide path to destruction. Being a Christian is not easy. You want others to know the truth. You tell people about Christ and His sacrifice and about God and His mercy upon us, if we repent and forgive. He loves us as we should love others. If you have or are suffering in your life, turn to Jesus. He will make your burden lighter. Don’t you want to share that truth with others. Let them know Jesus through you as others know Him through us. Many will perish because they do not heed. Everyone in the earth, to ends of it, to every nation will have heard of Jesus crucified to save us. Taking our place for our sins. When that day comes where will you be? If you are not for Jesus, you are against Him. If you deny Him. He will deny you to the Father.
I can tell you that I am a Christian with a Christian brother who is dying. He is ready to go from here. He knows the Lord and what He wills is for this to be his time. He is faithful in his knowledge of the Lord’s promises. He will leave here and go to heaven. His name is in the Book of Life. Is yours? If not, you are in the other books with all your sins remaining to be judged. You did not believe in the only true God. Jesus Christ, God made Man, who suffered, died, was buried and arose on the third day. He ascended to the right hand of the Father. By His Holy Spirit only will you know that truth, when He has mercy on your soul.
My husbands last words to me were. I want my wife, not you. So there is my answer. Too much pain, too much wasted time, too much time away from the most important person in my life. My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is our comforter. His love through us that reaches out to others. Saying you can come to Him. He will be your Savior and His helper, the Holy Spirit will be with you through your trials. He went away to prepare a place for us. And He will come again to receive us to Him. He promised and Christians believe. Do you? (John 14)