I wrote my resignation. The store manager was the only one around. So I gave it to her. She was shocked. She did tell me I was a good employee and she wanted to know what was going on. I told her all. She said no one deserved to be bullied at work. She said this girl who has been there years, is an employee just like me. So she is being talked to by my other manager. She says she will deal with her so it doesn’t come back on me. I hope not I don’t want aftershocks.
I have prayed for this P.T.S.D. to leave me but, I have to deal with it. It never comes into play, only when someone bullies me. As I have said my whole life has been spent being bullied and in the abuse zone. I am not pitying myself. It is what it is. I am what the Lord has made me and I am still so thankful and have joy and peace knowing I will see Him soon. The sooner the better. I have to explain that is not anger with me when it happens. It is a deeply shameful reaction that customers see and hear someone say to me. I feel that is so so wrong. I should be able to turn the other cheek. I try really hard. It comes so quickly to the surface I have no time to shut it out.
I know He wants me to stay there for now. I do love the work. I know after Christmas I will have few hours and that is my goal. I want to be free to do His work and have the little money I need to do it.
Lord I am so sorry I didn’t just lay this out to you. I was just so a mess I did not know what to do. Please forgive me.
Trust in the Lord with
all your heart,
And lean not on your
own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)