A guilty, guilty sinner, but a new creature in Christ Jesus!

I said before I lived a depraved life, as all sinners have. Jesus says that to those who have many sins, much is forgiven, because we love much.

Now it happened, as Jesus sat at the table in the house (of  Matthew the tax collector), whom he called to be an apostle; (Matthew 9:9) that behold, many tax collectors and sinners sat down with Him and His disciples. And when the Pharisees saw it, they said to His disciples, “Why does your Teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”

When Jesus heard that, He said to them,” Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice.’ For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” Matthew 9:10-13)

Likewise In (Luke 7:36-39)

Then one of the Pharisees asked Him to eat with him. And He went to the Pharisee’s house, and sat down to eat. And behold, a woman of the city who was a sinner, when she knew Jesus sat at the table in the Pharisee’s house, brought an alabaster flask of fragrant oil, and stood at His feet behind Him weeping; and she began to wash His feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head; and she kissed His feet and anointed them with the fragrant oil. Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he spoke to himself saying, “This Man, if  He were a Prophet, would know who and what manner of woman this is touching Him, for she is a sinner.”

Parable of the Two Debtors

And Jesus answered and said to him, “Simon I have something to say to you.”
So he said; “Teacher say it.”
“There was a certain creditor who had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. And when they had nothing with which to repay, he freely forgave them both. Tell Me, therefore, which of them will love him more?”
Simon answered and said, “I suppose the one whom he forgave more.”
And He said to him, “You rightly judged.” Then He turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has washed My feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair on her head. You gave me no kiss, but this woman has not ceased to kiss My feet since the time I came in. You did not anoint My head with oil, but this woman has anointed My feet with fragrant oil. Therefore, I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.”

Then He said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”
And those who sat at the table with Him began to say to themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”
Then He said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you. Go in peace.” (Luke 7-40-50)

My church does not have anyone like me in it. I am sure that no one has sinned to the degree of me. I feel like I go to confession every time I fill out an application for a job. I felt like it when I got into children’s ministries. I know it is required but, I still feel shamed. I did not go to church today. I just feel now that too much has been revealed about my past life. I felt that with God, and Jesus being my only mediator was enough. I felt I was in confession again, only the priest didn’t know who I was. Of, course their confession system now is one big absolution by the bishops, priests, etc. I know it is all part of checking someone’s past and it is right to do so. They have our SS#’s that should be enough. I have many aliases, so that I feel ashamed of and many other sins.

I have always felt deep shame from my past. I think being ill is hogwash because without the Lord, we sin, sin, sin. Even now a sinner I am. I feel delusional yet again. When I do, somehow, I am right on with my perception. Pastor said it is confidential, but he knows and the person running the check knows. I laid my sins at the cross with Jesus. They are part of my testimony, so be it. If someone judges me, so be it. I know Jesus’ blood covered them all. Yet we still all doubt.

Amen! Lord Jesus you know every man’s heart, mind and soul.