Isn’t it a shame.

Our state-run governments do not believe that mental illness is going to last more than a year. My experience, has made me humble. I am able according to them to get gainful, substantial employment. I did well at that after my last job, no one will hire me. I asked for them to hire me back. I got no reply because I am too mentally ill. I was talking in church about it being sin. It’s a sin I can’t control when it happens. I don’t have any warning and then it’s to late. I was told I violated a person’s rights by not taking her out the back door when it was sprinkling. I was told to be firm with her because she was running me. I was told I picked the wrong time to do it. I did it, I admit it. I just did not know at the time it was happening. The fallout left me in chaos even still when I remember. I am shamed.

Our servicemen, being veterans with P.T.S.D. have to be taken care of by wives that have to do it all. They have to make the money, care for the husband, children, and run the home. I am not sure if those uninjured physically get help even. I know there are many homeless, our government does not take care of. You have to get a lawyer and wait two to three years to get disability, if you have enough proof of your illness.
Should my family have to pay to keep me from going off my drugs?
Should I have to pay for my own drugs when I can’t work, part-time now or full-time?
My credit is in the toilet from debts left by my husband and the credit checks show me a thief, that I am also. I would pay if I could.
I finally got free clinic help on all of it, except no hospitalization.
So if I am dying on the street or need treatment for my mental illness, if I am in my right mind I will not go because I can’t pay the bill they will send.
I could go back into the Medicaid system again.
If you make more than three hundred a month you lose you benefits.
That means you should be able to pay for your own insurance.
Then they will send me somewhere else because I have insurance, getting stable, except for the episodes took years. Then all the re-evaluation (PCP) person centered plan, goals, therapy, etc.
It is so hard for people with these illnesses to get help with the circles they put us in. It could drive a sane person for a break. I don’t want free. I worked my whole life. I just want to be able to work for gainful, substantial pay.
I can’t imagine on top of that having no home of your own, or living in a shelter, only for a period of time allotted  Then you have to move in with family or under a bridge, or in a tent in the woods.
I tried doing peer support through an agency that helps the mentally ill. I was told I was delusional because an employee was abusing me and I could not prove it.
So you get that $8.50 an hour job and pay for all you need. Okay I can live on that. Only because I live with my mother.
So a drug company is paying for my non-generic med.
My treatment is also through the free clinic, that if you see all they pay for us, it would be cheaper to just put us on medicare.

My point is if I did not have the Lord Jesus Christ as My Savior, where would I be? I would be suicidal, or probably dead, as I tried once. I am not worrying about tomorrow. I know it will take care of itself. I just want to do His work that he has given me and that is all. I praise you Lord Jesus that you let me come to you. Are you in this world of evil, getting more evil everyday, without Him? It is time to give it All to Him. He does make the burden lighter when we trust Him fully. I know now, again and again through trials that will come, He will never give me more than I can handle.

One more thought. I think these free clinics treat people with dignity in our situations and other health situations. I have never been so blessed as where I am now. I started there and now I am back there. You must adhere to their rules which keeps those really wanting to be stable to stay that way. Most of all group therapy that benefits me the most. They really truly care about us all. There is one here that is an all volunteer clinic, amazing. They get you set on health insurance, no hospitalization, but you get your yearly checkups. So you have to be in the know. Please check your state. Also you can become a blood plasma donor. I do because it helps others and I get gas money. Just don’t let it be considered a business.

Through Jesus is the only way to live!!!

After Jesus cursed the cities His mighty works were done in. (Matthew 11:20-24) He said these words.

At that time Jesus answered and said, “I thank you Father, Lord of heaven and earth that You have hidden these things from the wise and prudent and have revealed them to babes (believers in Jesus Christ revealed by the Father only). Even so, Father, for so it seemed good in Your sight. All things have been delivered to Me by My Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father. Nor does anyone know the Father except the Son, and the one to whom the Son wills to reveal Him.

The only way for me to live now is to trust God, always and forever. There is no one else under heaven to depend upon. He, Jesus Christ, is the Only Way. He said I could come. Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly at heart, and you will find rest in your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:25-30)

Come what may, there is coming to Jesus, or following your own way (man’s way) to destruction. He tells you who you are following here in your own conscience. To ignore that is rejection of Jesus Christ. Because you love the darkness more than the light. And you don’t want your sins revealed. (John 1:9-13)

And war broke out in heaven: Michael and his angels fought with the dragon; and the dragon and his angels fought, but they did not prevail, nor was a place found for them in heaven any longer. So the great dragon was cast out, that serpent of old, called the Devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world; he was cast to earth, and his angels were cast out with him.
Then I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, “Now salvation, and strength and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down. And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death. Therefore rejoice, O heavens, and you who dwell in them! Woe to the inhabitants of the earth and the sea! For the devil has come down to you, having great wrath, because he knows that he has a short time.” ( Revelation 12:7-12)

Trials, and crying.

I  fell apart today. It’s all about rejection. I have a very hard time with this. Some are based on my being a born again Christian. I witnessed as I said earlier this week. My friend, co-volunteer has rejected me (Jesus) because I told her not only is God, a God of loving-kindness, but also a God of wrath. I also invited two neighbors to our Mother’s day banquet at church. One saw me come out of my house when she was getting her mail and actually ran to the house. Her daughter went once to the youth group. I know now she won’t be returning. I know God chooses who He will and I know I am doing what a disciple should do. I know prayer is what I need to toughen up but so far I believe these mental illnesses are always triggered one way or another. The Lord has a plan for me and I guess I just have to deal with the crying times. I do feel much stronger than two years ago. I guess it is the back tracks that hurt the most. I just know in my heart, He loves me. I wanted a job back and found out someone else got it. That’s when I cried uncontrollably.

My friend told me I just have wait for God’s direction for me. I have been applying for jobs all along and usually don’t even get an interview. I am with His, the Lord’s purpose everyday. I read, listen to sermons. I lost the previous job because of a break down. So I understand why they don’t want me. If I work in that field I have that on my record.  I feel fine when I can do what the Lord’s has purposed for me. I would rather just do that. I need to do yard work I have over 20 years experience. Really I think that is the answer.

And then there is no contact from my daughter. I try not to think about it. How do you forget you have a child in the Middle East boiling pot? I can’t but I know the Lord will work it out His way. I feel better just writing it down. Don’t  feel sorry for me, I am just sharing my rejections and some persecutions. I took a friend to the grocery and we were joking about ten bucks I owed him. I told him I wouldn’t give him a ride home if he didn’t take it. A man eavesdropping said I’ll give you a ride home. I told him I was only kidding. He said it did not sound like it. More water works. I did confront him and tell him he hurt my feelings. Did he care no?

The good cry did a great job and I feel better. Today is behind me and tomorrow will take care of itself. I have leads for a couple of jobs on Monday.

Thank you Lord for all you do to bring me through and help me to be stronger…

The Certainty of God’s Witness

Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?

This is He who came by water and blood–Jesus Christ; not only by water, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit who bears witness, because the Spirit is truth. For there are three that bear witness in heaven: the Father, the Word, and the Holy Spirit; and these three are one. And there are three that bear witness on earth: The Spirit, the water, and the blood; and these three agree as one.

If we receive the witness of men, the witness of God is greater, for this is the witness of God which He has testified of His Son. He who believes in the Son of God has witness in himself; he who does not believe God has made Him a liar, because he has not believed the testimony that God has given of His Son.
And this is the testimony; that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life, and that you may continue to believe in the name of the Son of God.

1 John 5:5-13

Lord I pray that Your will be done for You only know who will come to the Son because You first must draw them.

And Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst. But I said to you that you have seen Me and yet do not believe. All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out. For I have come down from heaven , not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me. This is the will of the Father who sent Me, that of all He has given Me I should lose nothing, but should raise it up on the last day. And this is the will of Him who sent Me, that everyone who sees His Son and believes in Him may have everlasting life; and I will raise him up at the last day.” John 6:35-40

Have you made up your own God?

It is sad to find yourself aware that many people, will never realize they cannot make God who they want. In talking today to a friend, we got into a conversation about God’s wrath coming upon this world. It was a nightmare look on her face. She was angry. She said my God does not have wrath. My God is a God that loves me. We could totally relate to each other in many areas. As I have, she had experienced many deep hurts in her life. She has found what she thinks makes her feel safe. A spirituality, a higher power, her God.  She reads books about meditation and has read books that refer to the bible, but I know she does not really understand the God of the Bible. I know because it is always an anger that comes out. Anyone against God, Jesus, has the spirit of antichrist and cannot listen to the truth. I asked why she was angry. She said you are trying to convert me. I said we are just talking. Again I thought I was talking to a believer and was taken by surprise. When I left, I told her we will talk again but, (we will see) and we will stay away from the subjects she does not like. I know unless the True God enlightens her, whatever truth I say from the Lord she will not accept.

Everyone in this world knows enough about God to know He is All Powerful, Sovereign, has loving-kindness, is all-knowing and He will bring wrath upon this world of unrepentant sinners. He is the first and the last, the Alpha and the Omega. You cannot make up your own. Even my brain, knew that years ago. I can remember saying to myself. He will never forgive me my sins, so I went on sinning. I forgot about Him time after time. Then I would think He sees all I am doing. He knows everything. I knew, I knew then. I had the conscience that knew but, I did not receive the Holy Spirit then. It was because I was not willing to give everything to Him. To let Him through you, bring others the truth and live your life for Him. He will change you. I don’t know why He chose me. Why I got more chances, but He knew me. And I worship Him with all my heart and soul, strength and mind. I praise Him daily and He is with me always. I know now He sees also but, my sins are blotted out by the blood of Jesus on the cross. Jesus defeated sin, death, evil. And by His Mercy, Grace through faith, I am forgiven.

You can call it a story tale if you want but, Adam and Eve were, Noah and the Ark was. God destroyed the earth with the flood because all men were evil all the time and He was sorry He created us. He then again destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah for the same evils. Will He do it again? Yes, once and for all. He will destroy satan and his followers, the final antichrist and all those who take his mark and worship him as God. If you don’t have the Love of the One True God and share it with others. You have your own god. You will blindly follow the evil one to the bottomless pit. I hope fear comes upon your soul. Because fear is the beginning of wisdom. (Psalm 111:10)

And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me, is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.(Matthew 19:38,39)

I am not saying that God will not save my friend, because I cannot know His will. I love her as I love others. I just want to share some of the experiences I am having. The more I know Our God of the Bible, the more truth I know.