I am starting to question?

I am wondering if what I have is really psycho babble. I am wondering why I have these two illnesses. I want to say that the Lord is my rock and that I trust Him on all. I heard someone preaching and saying things like we bury that old self. That we don’t need to go there digging all that stuff out. I kinda disagree, because it is still part of me and my testimony. I did dig and it helped to forgive things. I still have those mental parts, I call my sinful nature. No matter how much I don’t want them they are there. If I stopped taking the pills I don’t think I would be trusting God. I know how I feel with them and how I did when I wasn’t on the right ones. Yet when things get in my face, my illnesses come out. Over the last few months, I have had several bouts, and then I am better. I feel like I should be able to handle more rejections and trials by now.

I look at the other side and when I am busy working for the Lord I feel less stressed, joyful. It’s a whopper of a truth, Lord I need help with rejection. It takes a few things happening, disappointments, people not listening to me, people just being unfeeling in their questions. I am like where can I go without facing questions why are you here. I am here because I visit people and know people. I have a badge that says I can. Anyway,  just saying people have no idea of how they treat others. It is truly a sin. I was like that not knowing the Lord. I would get angry when someone got in my face. Now it just catches me off guard. Then later it hurts. 

Not to mention, Pastor’s sermon was about mothers. I held my own. I did not stand up with the others. I did not cry until late in the evening. I did get a Happy Mother’s Day from my daughter in Lebanon and my son called. I told him I was not a good mom, and he said never mind you’re doing better now. That’s him now belonging to the Lord also.

I guess what I am saying is I am reading the Word, praying, being faithful to the Lord’s will. I just have to wait it out to see where the Lord is taking me.

In all that is, He is beside me and His Holy Spirit dwells within me. That is a certainty for me, because I am changed but, not all the way yet. I just have to remember. One day is like a thousand years to God. Our days slip by in a moment. Tomorrow is coming. I’ll be here still or with Him. I think that every day.    

Amen. Lord Jesus, come quickly!

4 thoughts on “I am starting to question?

  1. One thing that is hard for all of us is to relax in the LORD, to find that rest and peace but as Ephesians 1 talks about we have those things already and somehow we need to grasp ahold of them. I remember reading about Paul who, along with Silas was singing hymms while they were in prison. I’ve been stuck in 1 Corinthians 13, Philippians 3, and 4 about forgetting those things that are behind and pressing forward. Then there is the passage about rejoicing and praying. I have made some progress but still have some problems with not getting upset. We are a work in progress and will be working on our Salvation and Sanctification until the LORD calls us home. None of us likes rejection but it is a part of who we are in Christ and we should count it all joy when we are, if it is because we are being faithful and proclaiming the Gospel. You are Loved by the Most Important Person in the Universe and I pray that somehow that will be a help to you. Jesus told Paul, after he had prayed 3 times that HIS Strength was made perfect in our weakness and that HIS Grace was sufficient for him. The LORD is for you and that is what matters, for all of us. You are in our prayers.

    • Thank you for kind words. I know we will always be persecuted and with His help I am doing better. I just am hearing that if we have the Lord we should not need psychiatry, therapy, or drugs. I just know for me that would be a disaster. Do you think like others that once we know Him these things go away? I know there are cases where psychiatry says they we are born that way. My brother believes that. He is an unbeliever, and works in behavior health. They tell me I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. I just don’t get it. Should I be cured or not because I am saved. Maybe it’s just another deterioration in man along with evilness in society. I just don’t know. I see friends saying they don’t need the drugs yet they have the illnesses and choose not to use the drugs. I think if I did not have this I would deal much better with it all, of course.

      • You do not have to feel guilty about taking the drugs. It is not a lack of faith. I take Ibuprofen when I have a head ache; I take antibiotics when I get pneumonia. That’s OK. I’m glad God allowed these things to be discovered.

        There are some problems that can be solved by pills, and some that can’t. If you think that the pills are helping, you should keep taking them.

  2. Some of the worse advice I’ve heard on mental health is from the religious sector. Beware!
    How wonderful to hear you got a Mother’s Day card from Nicole!

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