Trials, and crying.

I  fell apart today. It’s all about rejection. I have a very hard time with this. Some are based on my being a born again Christian. I witnessed as I said earlier this week. My friend, co-volunteer has rejected me (Jesus) because I told her not only is God, a God of loving-kindness, but also a God of wrath. I also invited two neighbors to our Mother’s day banquet at church. One saw me come out of my house when she was getting her mail and actually ran to the house. Her daughter went once to the youth group. I know now she won’t be returning. I know God chooses who He will and I know I am doing what a disciple should do. I know prayer is what I need to toughen up but so far I believe these mental illnesses are always triggered one way or another. The Lord has a plan for me and I guess I just have to deal with the crying times. I do feel much stronger than two years ago. I guess it is the back tracks that hurt the most. I just know in my heart, He loves me. I wanted a job back and found out someone else got it. That’s when I cried uncontrollably.

My friend told me I just have wait for God’s direction for me. I have been applying for jobs all along and usually don’t even get an interview. I am with His, the Lord’s purpose everyday. I read, listen to sermons. I lost the previous job because of a break down. So I understand why they don’t want me. If I work in that field I have that on my record.  I feel fine when I can do what the Lord’s has purposed for me. I would rather just do that. I need to do yard work I have over 20 years experience. Really I think that is the answer.

And then there is no contact from my daughter. I try not to think about it. How do you forget you have a child in the Middle East boiling pot? I can’t but I know the Lord will work it out His way. I feel better just writing it down. Don’t  feel sorry for me, I am just sharing my rejections and some persecutions. I took a friend to the grocery and we were joking about ten bucks I owed him. I told him I wouldn’t give him a ride home if he didn’t take it. A man eavesdropping said I’ll give you a ride home. I told him I was only kidding. He said it did not sound like it. More water works. I did confront him and tell him he hurt my feelings. Did he care no?

The good cry did a great job and I feel better. Today is behind me and tomorrow will take care of itself. I have leads for a couple of jobs on Monday.

Thank you Lord for all you do to bring me through and help me to be stronger…

6 thoughts on “Trials, and crying.

  1. Hey, you’re in good company, they rejected Christ also. Count it all joy when others reject you, and know that it is not you personally but Jesus. It is no longer I who live but Christ lives in me. You have brothers and sisters who are praying for you and I am one. I’ve also been rejected but, no matter, I know ONE who doesn’t. Jesus Loves You!!!

  2. Thanks, It just feels sad that they reject the truth with such anger. I know then I will always feel the dislike and avoidance from that person. Only God can convert the human soul I know…

  3. Hi Cheryl-
    I haven’t been on your blog for so long I didn’t know you changed it. I changed mine once and it was so much work getting all the old blogs cleaned up (they were all messed up) I thought, I’ll never do that again. But I like your new bright yellow blog. Very cheery. 🙂
    I haven’t been online much. You should see my inbox. No, maybe you wouldn’t want to see my inbox. What a mess. I haven’t been well since the 2nd week of Lenten, when I overdid it. I just can’t seem to get my energy back since. It would probably help if I exercised some but I don’t. So here I still am.
    I’m a bleeding heart and had to check in with you when I saw “Trial, and crying.” I don’t feel sorry for you but I can relate. I’m almost sure one of my meds makes me cry more easily. It really makes me mad to lose control. I told someone this and she said, “So! So what if you cry?” Hadn’t really though of that. I always thought it was a sign of weakness and I should not cry. But maybe I shouldn’t worry about it, just cry and make a mess of my makeup! Someday God will wipe all the tears from our eyes. Won’t that be a wonderful day?
    I agree with ancientcures. It’s hard to not take rejection personally cuz we’ve done so much of it, but it really isn’t you they are rejecting, it’s Jesus.
    I pray the Spirit brings comfort of God’s love like a warm blanket covering you. May His arms enfold and carry you close to His heart. Love ya.

    • Thanks for your kind words. The weather is getting more beautiful, time for a road trip. I am working to get my psyche hosp records from Lebanon. If I have to go get them I will. I can’t work anymore to emotional being tied to hours somewhere I can’t escape. I have tried to work but it always is too much for me. If I get the records and with my therapies, local work history and doctor’s records, I should prove my disabilities. Or I will cut lawns etc.

  4. I rechecked this blog to see if you’d written anything. I don’t get msgs. by email anymore. Once and a while I feel like blogging again and then I remember what hard work it is for me and the time it takes up and say, For get it! If I started blogging again it would be once every 6 months or so.
    I can’t work either, and can’t get disability w/o going back to work to prove it – don’t want to go through all that! I’m sure you can relate.
    We do need to get together soon. Write or call when you want to go.

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