In my life I always knew there was something wrong with me, very young. That certain need for love and not wanting to be unwanted. So I spent years in school really just existing. I really never wanted attention. I got it though the negative bullying kind. I couldn’t wait to get out of school. So I grew up and did the drinking, partying, sleeping around to find love. I thought life was about being married and having a family, trying to build a good life together. I just wanted that, to be happy.
On and off through the years I drank, and drugged myself into nowhere. I never knew what we were here for. I was escaping somehow, liking being wasted, not wanting to see the reality of who I was. I had mood swings over the years and took antidepressants for about fifteen years. Then one day poof, my brain got very sick. As you may have read in my bio, you know I am bipolar with post traumatic stress disorder. I don’t write this to say my life before was worse than any one else’s.
I write to say the Lord saved me. He watched over me from the beginning. I should have been dead many times over but, I am here. He chose me to be one of His children forever. I can say that without His choice, I would be going to hell. I sat here one day at my computer, destroyed, broken and crying out to Him and He was there and ready to catch me. I had nothing left. My family was over, being mentally ill destroyed that pretty quickly. I did with the Lord’s guidance recover to be who He wants me to be. In His grace, I live every day serving Him. It is not about us. It’s about Him, loving others through you. It’s about truly and purely having His Holy Spirit in your heart and loving fully.
Don’t get me wrong it would be wonderful to share this with my family. That may not be God’s will for me. I could not make a life now with an unbeliever. Nor could I not have full support and understanding of my illness. That’s all I ever wanted. I take meds and I am fine. I know I don’t owe it all to that. The Lord has healed me in ways I never thought could happen over two years ago. I just finished my last twenty weeks of group counseling. He made me heal, it was a good chance to witness every week for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. You never know what He has in store for others. You may be the witness that the Lord uses to awaken the dead to the light. Don’t waste an opportunity. Sometimes we just say, “Have a Blessed Day!” Who blesses every day God does? If you don’t know that, just maybe you will. As I said he chooses, not us. We cannot choose as He first chose us.
So do I do those things mentioned, drinking, partying, etc? No my life is being sanctified by Him. We are all ready and waiting for His return. How long will we wait? Until we die or when He chooses to come again. We just know to always be ready. If we die we go directly to Him. There is no one between Him and us. All we need to believe is Jesus died, so our sins could be forgiven (repent). He was buried in a rich man’s tomb and was resurrected on the third day. The false priests, scribes, leaders and people had Him crucified. It was His plan from the beginning to be the Perfect Lamb sacrificed for us.
Think about your life and the way it goes daily. Can you honestly say you have a relationship with your Creator? Can you talk to Him and praise Him for what He has done in your life? Do you know the truth and are you free? Do you know for sure you are going to heaven? I do, praise The Lord, My God.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God.
All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men.
And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.