Nothing like a bipolar meltdown.

Well it took a couple of days and here it came. Just like before always trying to smooth things over to no avail. Broken, broken and broke and the only healer for my pain is the Lord Jesus.. I know my family is living in a country that is in the end times. How many times is God’s Cedars Trees and Lebanon mentioned in the Bible, many.

Well the country will eventually be pulled into the jihad mode. They are all for each other even different sects eventually. Are two armed groups going to fight each other against Israel, no.

I fear for my family.  Not in the fear mode of danger there but in the fear of no salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. If you don’t have a personal relationship with him, being born again, you will not see the kingdom of God. They are ritualistic Christians like the Jewish Sadducees and the Pharisees, same religious hypocrisies, earn my way to God plan. All they could see was Jesus was healing on the Sabbath breaking their rules. They had to get rid of him and they had him crucified. He was innocent and lived a sinless life. They were of their father the devil, blinded by their own ways, man’s way to their God of their own making. Jesus died to bear our sins to bring a people from all nations including God’s chosen Jews to salvation. Man’s way can never work. I always wondered why the kids in the church touch the priest’s garment. Then I read my Bible and Jesus healed people who touched him. They believed in him that he was the Son of God and so their faith through him made it possible. The Apostles had the same God-Given power. I always thought it was too weird kissing those icons and crosses too. Oh, that I now can see that these are wooden and carved idols.

Anyway my meltdown is over. I had a good cry.  I spent three weeks not emailing my husband only to have him come down on me about and email my daughter shared with him. It is always about being better than others, about it being your fault and he has no part in it. So I will always have this to deal with unless I stop doing want I should not be doing, that is trying to talk to him. He always gets angry anyway.  So I will spare him, me.

Too bad again the meltdown came in church. I had my good cry (they know my issues). I came back in listened to Pastor’s message. Somehow I always hear something for me that soothes my soul. I even sang in the choir praising our Lord. It was truly amazing praise.

Updated:  I have been told that unless I deny My Lord Jesus, there is only a hairline of hope for my marriage.

We SEE Rumors of war, war and great disasters.

As born again Christians we know the things happening are what the Lord Jesus said in the Gospels. Don’t let your heart be troubled. These things will happen and then the end will come. Do not trust in this world, be not of this world because this world will fade away.

If you have never read the Bible you should. How can anyone look around this universe and believe it just evolved? God is perfect and created a perfect universe. Then Adam and Eve through the deception of satan fell from God’s Grace. We have that grace freely given to us to embrace. Jesus says he will by no means close the door to those who will come to him. Can you come or can you wait until you see worse? People around me just poo hoo what is happening. Because of our eyes being opened by the Lord we know these are indications for what is to come. We do not and no one knows when the end will come. I only see the true picture of what is happening because his mercy upon me and other born again Christians. God’s wrath will come on this world. God says so in His Word. You can believe now or see what happens to those who do not and be on the wide road to destruction. I am striving to enter the narrow gate. What about you are you doing the Lord’s work or your own?

New Testament, Mark Chapter 13

I am still a sinner!

My nephew is struggling as a new Christian. He has disabilities as I do. I have spoken about him before. He is having a very hard time in school right now in fact he is feeling he can’t do it. I have done that all my life with the jobs I have gotten. It’s like once you apply yourself and get in your head you can do it you do. I didn’t know the Lord then so he has an advantage. Maybe he will find out God has other plans for him. Some in my family think he can’t do it. Well we do know all is possible with God. So he was given through my brother and I, Words from the Lord. To pray in faith and to trust and if it is his plan, you will get what you pray for. I for one did not do well in math. I did not care though. I just wanted out of high school where I wanted to be a wallflower inside the wall. That is a true story in my blog already somewhere. We will continue to pray for him.

He also has this ongoing doubt as a new Christian about sin. The more he does it, the more he is convicted, but of course he cannot be sin free. Oh, but don’t we all know about that. I have tried to tell him The Blood of Christ has covered our sins. That as life goes on until the end we will not be without sin. Who doesn’t feel guilty, a sinner convicted, (his Aunt), the gossip? The more I try to stay out the more I get drawn in. It’s like a plague that eats through me along with losing myself with my triggers in my bipolar mess. It’s what the deceiver can use to war against us. Those things he knows are our weaknesses.

This is what I had lately. All staff are grumbling about a new assistant manager. I tried to stay out of it. Everyone was complaining to me and in front of me. I said many times go to the manager. I tried very hard to stay out of it. Well now I feel guilty because I did go to the manager. I just could not take it anymore. Well things will change, she is going to have too. Now Lord let my mouth stay silent about what is now taken care of. I just had to write a letter to my boss about what was going on and others did also. I have no problem working with anyone. I am there for the Lord. I love my ladies and would do anything for them. That is my gift from the Lord. I am not here to think about who does more on the shift. If they don’t I do it. I work for the Lord who cares what others do. They will have to answer later. The whole of it is we get drawn into a fallen world and it is the tempter who draws us to sin. I have sinned again and telling anyone is just an example, not more gossip.

We have to stay here until he comes and don’t we long for home (Matthew West Album). I love Christian music. One of my favorites on his album is Broken Girl but, they are all good and right to the heart as other Christian singers take us. So everyday pray, everyday read the Word, everyday trust him for in him all is possible. Oh, Lord, come quickly!!!