Well now, things are going back into action. I am in therapy and we are going to dig from the beginning again. I have to go with the flow. She is a very nice therapist. She truly is doing her job. I have no choice but to go with it. My ultimate question was “will I be able to maintain my meds here after therapy.” Yes, I will and if after six months or a year of therapy. I can go from every week to two weeks out to monthly to none. She is very forth-coming on how she will help me. If you have ever been in therapy? She set up a PCP (Person Centered Plan). Goal reaching, steps to get here. Sorry I am just disappointed that I was living for the Lord and fine doing it. Now some therapists are Christians and some are unbelievers. I am not sure yet about mine. She does know that I am a born again Christian and I live for the Lord everyday. It’s in my Plan for achieving a desired future (heaven). So I will look at it this way. I’ll get some witnessing time in too. I do what I do for my creator (The Lord, My God and Savior through Jesus Christ, his only begotten Son and the Holy Spirit, my helper). He owns my heart and soul. Will he fail me no? God says he will not give us more than we can handle. So we will handle it.
I had to give advanced directives to my mom and brother on where I want to go in crisis. That means they can you know what. Oh well, it will never come to that, Right Lord? Anyone feeling a little hopeless out there? That’s a stinger for me. I know my close friend will understand this when she reads it. I’d have to go to court to fight this. I don’t have the desire or want. If you have ever read any of my blog? You know what I lived through already. I don’t want sorry. I just want forward only, not back. I spent January to September 2011, in therapy. I released myself into living again. I have my grace through faith. I have anxiety with P.T.S.D now remembering all of it again.
This so unfair. Now I know why. We know the father of lies (John 8:44-47) can deceive many. He can never snatch us out of the Father’s (God’s Hands). John 10:25-30. Yes, whatever happens I belong to God, My Father. I can endure, I will endure. Even psychiatry cannot take away what he has given me. Besides all that he has given me is his work to do and it is copacetic. I am so happy that is true. Every time I do more, I want to do more. So what can happen, I’ll do more. It’s my therapy, helping others. All Christians that truly know the Lord, have his gifts to do his work. Amen
Having said all this, I took a pill I feel the anxiety decreasing. Tonight I am going to sing in the choir practice and our Good Friday services are tomorrow. I wasn’t going to go after last Sunday but, my pastor sent me such a wonderful note. I had already arranged my schedule, so the Lord wants me there. I am going. He will hear my voice praising along with my brothers and sisters in Christ.