I had that experience yesterday. I have to stay humble. I am just a witness as everyone else for my Father in heaven. Because I do study my Bible. Because a lot has been revealed to me. I have to not be answering all the questions. The lesson was, there are degrees in knowledge of the Lord’s Word. I don’t consider myself a baby Christian anymore. It was in a Bible study and I knew all the answers about Jesus’s time here. Well I did but, I did not let others participate. Well a few did. I am not the one that shines in the darkness the brightest. I am a humble servant that needs to be chastised and I was. I am a humble servant who deserves nothing but death.
Everywhere I go because of my illness, I do that. I have to learn to be able to take correction. To be more of a witness. To not be hurt by it. My bipolar always enters into it. I did forget to take my meds before church. If any one knows about these issues we can go from mania to depression very easily. We usually have a little side dish of something else along with it, P.T.S.D for me. I know God is not going to cure me of this. I know I will never pray to be healed of it. I don’t want prayer to heal it either. I want to live my life knowing it will always chastise me through him. I am who he made me. His gift to me is eternity with him…
For him I am more of an outside light to the within. My point is to be a better listener. I do not have all the answers. I do not need to show off my knowledge in front of other Christians. He needs to use it to bring others to the Lord when those moments present themselves. I feel my sin and am ashamed. I am still human and of course I start saying to myself. Someone was mean to me. Well they always will be. We know if they hated Jesus. They hate us too. So chastising from him, persecution from others will never compare to what he has done for us. I know Paul had a thorn that God refused to take away. What is your thorn and if you have one use it to humble yourself and be a bondservant of the Lord? Amen
I also realized these last few weeks of stress that I have had episodes of bipolarmania. I think that was probably true of yesterday too.