I thought I was dealing well. I really was until, I had a trigger for my illness activated. It just got me so protective of my mom. I am a born again Christian and I did not like the subject being addressed. My dad has just died on friday. A certain person came over and brought up something very hurtful from the past. It did not need to be in our lives at this time or ever again for that matter. It made a rift in the family that is now not bridged for over twelve years. It was a very hurtful time for my mother and I did not want her thinking of this and burying her husband she had just lost. Needless to say I confronted and no one liked it. I felt alienated for being a Christian and being assertive. Mostly that because of being a Christian (I haven’t been preaching here for a while). I don’t have the right to say stop it. I was saying also to myself how do you have the right to condemn this person for what you know they did. It is not your right but, God’s only. God says take the plank out of your own eye first. There are many of us around that do think we are better than others. We must repent and be forgiven. Remember it says in the Bible, how he sees us before we are saved. Before that we have no fear of him. Romans 2:9-18. If repent we have eternal life in heaven if we don’t we still have eternal life and it’s not pretty. If we believe with all our hearts, all our souls and all our strength in our Lord Jesus Christ and his atonement for our sins. We must let him change us to the person with the gifts he is giving us. We are to be a disciple of his word and at any given chance. Even as I had a P.T.S.D. and bipolar day. I stood up for my Lord and Savior. I know he forgives me for things I said. Everyone one of us has their own way of dealing. Mine is along with mental illness. I won’t go into that room for the family private viewing, I can’t deal. Update, I am going, so I don’t regret not being there. God will never give me more than I can handle. My family understands. I will see him at the funeral anyway.
I am reading Revelations 21 in partiality. The priest won’t allow me to read verse eight. They don’t want people to know they are sinners. Should I do it anyway? I say yes but, I won’t. It won’t make a difference to those devout catholics who won’t see. Besides I have to follow the priests instructions. He is in control of the service. My parents have supported this church, and my mom’s parents before them. We still have no right to be peculiar people with our born again Christian beliefs. Gee doesn’t that happen almost everywhere now?
Anyway I thought yesterday, “I can’t even go in there for the funeral.” I know the Lord is with me to carry me, so I will be fine. I need to stop thinking forward to the time when my mother may go and I will be her rock through Jesus. Because at this point she doesn’t see and all except my brother, aunt and me do not. No catholic communion for us either.
Lord Jesus give us Strength in your Love and Forgiveness, and perseverance...
I was thinking before I hope my new name in heaven is Cheer. Probably not of the blue I got that as my email name, Cheercher years ago. Inspired by my outward long call to the saving grace through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Saved at fifty-four is saved, only He knows when and if He lets you see.