I spent several months at different churches. I had to search as a new born again Christian. I read and learned God’s Word in Truth. I had a lot of time to read and study, like all day for months. Most of us do not have that. I was as you know very ill when I came here in November 2010. I have bipolar 1 with post traumatic stress disorder diagnosed in 2009. I came from a crisis, near death of my own hand, to a vessel for his honor and his use. The Holy spirit within me guides me always. I will never be lost from his hands. Nothing can snatch me out, nothing. Once you receive his grace through faith you belong to him eternally.
I can tell you what it feels like to come from there to here. I am free, free to love, give all my heart and soul to him. To live everyday doing his work. He gave me the gifts and I share them. Maybe we think no one sees or hears if we don’t speak but, they are seeing and listening. I make sure I have witnesses to my conversations. The way we serve our Lord are seen. People do wonder why is she doing that? Why does she have so much joy? I tell my mom why. She doesn’t get it. Maybe they both, dad and her will, I pray and others. To give to others in, love, joy, in peace, in forgiveness, in charity, in helping in something simple, in visiting the lonely, the sick. These are his commandments. The greatest one of all is Love. I think back now from a time when I thought, I am going to be sick the rest of my life. I am never going to get back to the U.S. to see my parents before they die or me first. His ways are not ours. He can do the impossible. He can bring such utter brokenness, destruction, hopelessness to joy. He did it with me and he can with you. When you feel that time and when you say there is a God Almighty. You can look around and see that. When what is missing in your life is realized…He will be in your life to live for, you will turn to him because you were called. It doesn’t even need to be to that point. Killing yourself is no answer. It is not the easy way out. There is no easy way. It’s either God’s way through Christ Jesus or satan’s way. One wide path, one narrow that leads to heaven. Nothing can come from nothing. The world and animals, men, women, children, babies they can’t be created by any other source. It is God’s creation, was him and always will be him. He is the I Am. He called to all of his chosen to do his work. Think about it. He took depraved man because, of Adam’s fall into sin, and is using us to His Glory after giving us new hearts, to convert his other chosen ones. Well after all these generations, we Christians feel his second coming is getting close. Even if it isn’t, we are ready everyday for that trumpet and call to him. That’s the rapture, people. When we are gone, people are going to have all kinds of excuses why. Believe the Lord’s Word. He tells you things way in advance from the beginning. Trust him with your life. If you don’t you will lose it anyway.
I got a bit side-tracked. I finally found a church that puts Christ first, no pomp no circumstance, just the Bible, God’s True and Perfect Word being preached and shared. I trust God and he has made my disorders seem like little flies I bat at from time to time. Of, course, I am not cured and I do take my meds. I don’t want to be healed. I want to live with my afflictions until that last day.
Can I get any weaker? There is no way, only stronger, through whatever trial may come. Praise to our Lord God Almighty, forever.