Oh My Lord you know all!

Set backs and trials who has not had them. Before I became a Christian I looked at them as something (I) could not withstand or tackle. Now it is totally changed. I get a little bit of leeway of course, like talking to my family. We discussed things for several weeks. Even that we are going to reunite eventually. I came here and was told I could not come back without rudeness, being completely cured, never hurting anyone, never offending my daughter, who can do that, you, anyone? Everyone with or without mental illness? You know by my WordPress name what I have and I am not ashamed of it. I have come far and will go further because I trust My Lord and Savior, Christ Jesus in all.

I pray and he has answered. He knows what I need. I asked for my rights to dignity and respect and understanding. If you truly loved someone with a mental illness, any illness would you do it? I said my marriage vows in sickness and in health. Well, my health faltered. That does not mean I am a throw away. Most people look at us that way. Do you know what it is like to be in our heads or bodies? Do you know how to live and deal with a behavior or developmental, or physical disability? We are people, what is “normal” for you is not the same “normal” for us. So what, we are people,  people with these rights by law. Here in a America, I have those rights. If I went to another country, Lebanon, I have lost those rights. I have no protection from what they could do to me. Yes, I love my husband so so much. If he can’t even begin to care to understand my illness, what is there to build upon? My Lord is protecting me, guiding me, keeping me safe. I left a situation that nearly cost me my life. How can I go back when I have to change only? I have to become perfect, without blemish. That won’t happen in this world. I can’t become unbipolar1 or unpost-traumatic stressful. I feel the Lord has helped me with dealing in my illness but, I am not cured. It doesn’t matter to me at all. I live with it. I cannot say to him fix everything  just because you can. He is my Sovereign God. He knows what I need before I ask… He  knew me from the time before the earth became… He knows the number of every hair on my head. He knows what I pray for. I trust him to answer his way not mine. So we go on praying. We go on doing what he has us do. We may worry or take a detour at times, but we are sealed for eternity. I can’t just walk back into a situation that will put my health at risk. In other words, my husband and my family need conversion to Christ because, without him then can never see or love anyone truly. I have heard these sayings so many times: I will not walk on eggshells or I will not lose any of my masculinity to you. How is taking care to understand and support your loved one doing either of these things? Besides that is there anything you wouldn’t do for someone you truly loved. Jesus laid down his life for us, and he calls us friends, brother, sister, etc. I am your sister, Lord Jesus. You made that so, Praise and Honor to you who accepted me a sinner and with all my flaws, Amen.

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