The Lord had me search for the right Church.

I spent several months at different churches. I had to search as a new born again Christian. I read and learned God’s Word in Truth. I had a lot of time to read and study, like all day for months. Most of us do not have that. I was as you know very ill when I came here in November 2010. I have bipolar 1 with post traumatic stress disorder diagnosed in 2009. I came from a crisis, near death of my own hand, to a vessel for his honor and his use. The Holy spirit within me guides me always. I will never be lost from his hands. Nothing can snatch me out, nothing. Once you receive his grace through faith you belong to him eternally. 

I can tell you what it feels like to come from there to here. I am free, free to love, give all my heart and soul to him. To live everyday doing his work. He gave me the gifts and I share them. Maybe we think no one sees or hears if we don’t speak but, they are seeing and listening. I make sure I have witnesses to my conversations. The way we serve our Lord are seen. People do wonder why is she doing that? Why does she have so much joy? I tell my mom why. She doesn’t get it. Maybe they both, dad and her will, I pray and others. To give to others in, love, joy, in peace, in forgiveness, in charity, in helping in something simple, in visiting the lonely, the sick. These are his commandments. The greatest one of all is Love.  I think back now from a time when I thought, I am going to be sick the rest of my life. I am never going to get back to the U.S. to see my parents before they die or me first. His ways are not ours. He can do the impossible. He can bring such utter brokenness, destruction, hopelessness to joy. He did it with me and he can with you. When you feel that time and when you say there is a God Almighty. You can look around and see that. When what is missing in your life is realized…He will be in your life to live for, you will turn to him because you were called. It doesn’t even need to be to that point. Killing yourself is no answer. It is not the easy way out. There is no easy way. It’s either God’s way through Christ Jesus or satan’s way. One wide path, one narrow that leads to heaven. Nothing can come from nothing. The world and animals, men, women, children, babies they can’t be created by any other source. It is God’s creation, was him and always will be him. He is the I Am. He called to all of  his chosen to do his work. Think about it. He took depraved man because, of Adam’s fall into sin, and is using us to His Glory after giving us new hearts, to convert his other chosen ones. Well after all these generations, we Christians feel his second coming is getting close. Even if it isn’t, we are ready everyday for that trumpet and call to him. That’s the rapture, people. When we are gone, people are going to have all kinds of excuses why. Believe the Lord’s Word. He tells you things way in advance from the beginning. Trust him with your life. If you don’t you will lose it anyway.

I got a bit side-tracked. I finally found a church that puts Christ first, no pomp no circumstance, just the Bible, God’s True and Perfect Word being preached and shared. I trust God and he has made my disorders seem like little flies I bat at from time to time. Of, course, I am not cured and I do take my meds. I don’t want to be healed. I want to live with my afflictions until that last day.

Can I get any weaker? There is no way, only stronger, through whatever trial may come. Praise to our Lord God Almighty, forever.

Thank you, Lord for Gifts received!

Everyday we need to thank our God, Lord and Savior, the Holy Spirit, The Triune for our gifts. He gives us the gifts of love, perseverance, faith, hope, charity, forgiveness, his gifts. Finally after we devote everything to him, we see the true fruits of his love through us. I can tell you that I have only been a born again Christian since March 2011. I have been so almost destroyed in my life but, ultimately, GOD had mercy upon me a sinner with no hope. I knew at that time I was needing punishment forever. I could never ever be good enough. I was already evil from the beginning. He says in his word, not one searches after God, not one. Roman 3:9-31. That means every one of us, everyone, no one is excluded. ” Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot not see the kingdom of God.” John 3:3. He is speaking in context to a Pharisee, Nicodemus, a Jew, who repented and became born again. We know by scripture he came to our Lord with questions. Romans 3:1-21. He helped to bury our Lord after his crucifixion. John 19-38-42. Nicodemus and Joseph of Artimathea who gave his new burial tomb, were both born again believers. So in reading our Bibles, which are Spiritual Discerned, meaning you cannot understand without true repentance and conversion, we have the truth all of it in our hands and hearts and souls, forever. So if your Bible is just sitting on your table, you need to pray to the Lord, read it that he will have MERCY on you a sinner, without him there is no hope of salvation,  just destruction. God does not lie. He tells you the truth. Do you want to hear and see? Repent and Believe. You just may be his chosen. Amen, Lord Jesus, thank you for my salvation, a sinner deserving nothing but, your wrath.

Oh My Lord you know all!

Set backs and trials who has not had them. Before I became a Christian I looked at them as something (I) could not withstand or tackle. Now it is totally changed. I get a little bit of leeway of course, like talking to my family. We discussed things for several weeks. Even that we are going to reunite eventually. I came here and was told I could not come back without rudeness, being completely cured, never hurting anyone, never offending my daughter, who can do that, you, anyone? Everyone with or without mental illness? You know by my WordPress name what I have and I am not ashamed of it. I have come far and will go further because I trust My Lord and Savior, Christ Jesus in all.

I pray and he has answered. He knows what I need. I asked for my rights to dignity and respect and understanding. If you truly loved someone with a mental illness, any illness would you do it? I said my marriage vows in sickness and in health. Well, my health faltered. That does not mean I am a throw away. Most people look at us that way. Do you know what it is like to be in our heads or bodies? Do you know how to live and deal with a behavior or developmental, or physical disability? We are people, what is “normal” for you is not the same “normal” for us. So what, we are people,  people with these rights by law. Here in a America, I have those rights. If I went to another country, Lebanon, I have lost those rights. I have no protection from what they could do to me. Yes, I love my husband so so much. If he can’t even begin to care to understand my illness, what is there to build upon? My Lord is protecting me, guiding me, keeping me safe. I left a situation that nearly cost me my life. How can I go back when I have to change only? I have to become perfect, without blemish. That won’t happen in this world. I can’t become unbipolar1 or unpost-traumatic stressful. I feel the Lord has helped me with dealing in my illness but, I am not cured. It doesn’t matter to me at all. I live with it. I cannot say to him fix everything  just because you can. He is my Sovereign God. He knows what I need before I ask… He  knew me from the time before the earth became… He knows the number of every hair on my head. He knows what I pray for. I trust him to answer his way not mine. So we go on praying. We go on doing what he has us do. We may worry or take a detour at times, but we are sealed for eternity. I can’t just walk back into a situation that will put my health at risk. In other words, my husband and my family need conversion to Christ because, without him then can never see or love anyone truly. I have heard these sayings so many times: I will not walk on eggshells or I will not lose any of my masculinity to you. How is taking care to understand and support your loved one doing either of these things? Besides that is there anything you wouldn’t do for someone you truly loved. Jesus laid down his life for us, and he calls us friends, brother, sister, etc. I am your sister, Lord Jesus. You made that so, Praise and Honor to you who accepted me a sinner and with all my flaws, Amen.

Amazing!!! is His Grace through Faith!!!!

Things have slowly changed over fifteen months. I am glad for that part, that is not being put back out in this world until I was ready. Yes it took much time to recover. Yet in the beginning of this turmoil, I wasn’t even sure that would happen. No way, I thought so. I could see never-ending grief.

Get down into it, repent. You are mired in with no way out.  That is what he does sometimes to draw his elect to him. He knew when I would finally give up my controlling mess. He knew when I would turn when he called. He knew on my own I was lost forever. He knew I wouldn’t see anything myself. He knew my eyes, heart and soul needing opening. He knew when, the date, time, minute, second was. He knows what the plans are for me and you until this age is complete. He knows I am not afraid. He knows that his work will be completed in me. He knows that through me others are loved and cared for. He knows all sees all. He is the Lord Of Lords, King of Kings, My Salvation, The One and the Only Sovereign God. The Beginning and The End.

Reign over your people, Lord. We are awaiting your return and Glory. Keep us ever-present in your sight and guide us through all things. Keep us strong in Your Word and with Strength and Perseverance.

Protect all families, loved ones, nations, Peoples, and we pray for our enemies. You are the Sovereign God, Creator of all we see and who live and have. You have chosen from the beginning those who will spend eternity in your presence. Thank you, My Lord for Your Grace through faith not of me.

Thank you Lord, for your churches here that we attend and the friends, brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus, who died for our atonement, (sins). Amen