I could choose not to move but, I refuse.

I love that song by Josh Wilson The whole album (SeeYou) is good. It speaks to my heart and about the Lord and what he wants us to do. You have to get out and do things. I have found a church. I have found a friend to meet once a week for Bible study. I am training to be a Hospice Volunteer. We have to find our gifts and share them with others. We are to be servants of the Lord by loving others. I find that easy with his help. I could have let my junk eat me up, but he wouldn’t let me. I feel free to do as he wants. Some days I stay home and study my Bible or read other books. So now, no days going out has turned to three so far. I feel real blessed to have come so far. Living to die, now dying to live. When the Lord finds you, he changes you to the personality he wants you to be. He won’t stop the improvements until he is satisfied. That is his Sovereignty. Hath not THE POTTER power over THE clay, of THE same lump to make one vessel unto honour, AND another unto dishonour? Romans 9-21

He only knows from the beginning who would be in his flock. Romans 8-28-30  He is the shepherd. We are his sheep. No human can ever earn their way into his presence. You can think you have lived a good enough life but, that doesn’t matter. You have to know deep in your soul. I am his. You turn away from sins and stop beating yourself up. This world will be gone and whoever loves this world will miss eternity in Heaven. Narrow is the gate to salvation, few here find it… Wide is the gate to destruction. Matthew 7-13-14.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures;  He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. Yea, though I walk though the valley of  the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord


Psalm 23.

Bless us Lord Forever, Amen…

What has God taught me so far?

First he brought me last year to the U.S. broken. I went through many struggles to get here. Remember I was not yet a Christian. I was hospitalized in June 2009 and diagnosed bipolar. I endured all that went with that, stigma, rejection, abuse because my symptoms were being bombarded. I did not receive the PTSD diagnosis until here in November. From November to March I just existed. I was being changed to new meds. My brother bought me a big print Bible for Christmas. I didn’t open it until March. That was the turn around in my life. Through all my grief and self-isolation, I cried and said I have no choice I give up. God was there to catch me. He had been always in my thoughts throughout life. This time he truly called me, I responded. I didn’t even think of what it meant to be a Christian. What obstacles there would be. What did I have that could ever be better than the Lord loving me? I didn’t love myself. I knew I was a sinner and worthless, defeated with nowhere to turn. It couldn’t be any clearer to me. I made a choice when I decided to commit suicide in July 2010. I said to myself, no one wants me, everyone hates me the way I am. They said so in words and treatment. I didn’t want to start over. I just wanted to get away from my families disgust and rejection of my disorder. I asked my doctor what can I do about people who abuse me when I was still there? My husband was there with me. Outside waiting for the visit he was making fun of the mentally ill. My doctor before the both of us said,” I would have to live with it”. Why didn’t he see PTSD, he knew my story? You can’t live with reminders over and over of your whole life. Bullying someone blatantly is not helping. My family never wanted to get educated. It was all my fault that I was sick. I should be able to get well no matter. To will myself out of bipolar. One cousin said get popular, change yourself so people want to be with you.

Hadn’t I been doing that all my life? See IT Does Not matter what anyone else thinks. It’s what Jesus sees inside and outside. Even in my deepest distress I knew that they would never see me and help me. I was already searching the Bible trying to find peace. I don’t blame them. I just learned the hardest lesson of my life. No human relationship without God can ever fulfill your life or soul. We can never be good enough. We can never earn our way. That’s true of unbelievers in this world today. You can’t say you’re a Christian with no turning around from sin. You can’t live your life the way you want, if you are truly converted. Yes, there will be more things, he convicts you of. We all have our little storage of things we want to keep doing. Sorry, he won’t let you keep them. You accepted, his work in you is begun and can’t be stopped, if there is true conversion. You know the difference between a word acceptance and an inner and soul changing acceptance. For some it happens pretty quickly. His work in me just went like the winds never-failing. I let go totally. What was I letting go of and still am. A worldly life of sorrow and pain. If I hold unto anything  that was before it makes me sad. We try not think in the past but, we still are flesh. We always say what if. My what if is what if he hadn’t called me. We know the answer to that. Jesus came to bless the poor in spirit, bless those who mourn, bless the meek, bless those who hunger and thirst in righteousness, bless the merciful, bless the pure in heart, bless the peacemakers, bless the persecuted…For theirs is the kingdom of Heaven…read on.

Matthew 5:1-48. 

Even through the sadness at times I feel myself growing in his Spirit. These are all trials we go through that make us persevere more. My first time out to do his work was a complete disaster. My work through him in this house is keeping quiet and being an example of love and kindness. At first (I) wanted to get them to understand Jesus. Maybe it’s not meant for them to see, I still will be an example. To them and all others until Jesus comes in Glory for his Church, Amen

Can We get to Heaven by Being Good Enough?

The true answer is NO. We can never of ourselves can earn the way into The Presence of God. We can think we are good enough. We can think we might get there. What if we can know for sure? It’s true we can know. God let’s us know we can’t do it on your own. No religion has the answer. In your heart you know the rights from the wrongs. You know the Ten Commandments, that not one of us has not broken and keep breaking. The New Testament made us realize that we can never earn the way. God sent Jesus Christ, his only son to bare all our sins, past, present and future. We are sinful creatures. Does not the potter have power over the clay, from the same lump to make one vessel for honor and another for dishonor? Roman 9-21. He is a Sovereign God, he can do what he wants. He created us all, for we are the clay. He made some of us for his mercy and some for common use. We have no right to challenge him. You can believe in science, evolution. You can challenge the Bible is the true word of God. You can take that chance if you want. You can know him or not. He knows his sheep and they hear him. He showed us the way. We could never ever see on our own. He gave mercy, he gave grace through Jesus Christ alone. All religions are based on what man thinks. All religions cannot answer that one question. Am I Good enough to go to Heaven? The answer is a big NO. YOU cannot ever be good enough. We are born to be sinners and by Christ’s Mercy our sins are covered, only if we repent and do his will not ours.

What do I have to be Thankful for?

For the first thing I am going to live eternally with God through Jesus Christ. He is leading me to discover more about what can be given back daily. It is very hard to stay in this world and look at it as blessings. I went to church today again. Really enjoyed it but, all my sorrows and joys crept up. Tears flowed pretty much the whole time. We had a lunch after and I wanted to stay until the end. I brought my friend with me and he wanted to go so we did. I asked him, “Why he wanted to leave so soon”? He said, “I’ll tell you later.” Later he told me he got convicted of loving me. I have already many times explained to him, “I am a spirit only”. He wants a relationship and it will not be. I only want my relationship with God through Christ Jesus and fellowship with Christians. I am purposely staying married anyway. Who knows if my husband will become a Christian, I can’t?  God gave me the love (I) have searched for my whole life and did not find. For me none of the worldly relationships ever last (except Christians). The sorrow and pain they gave me will never bring me happiness ever. Oh, I will think about lost family and pray for them but, I can’t go back. I gave that up to the Lord. I know in my insanity (bipolar1 and PTSD), it was not alone the undoing of my family. I can’t ask why this happened? Only what is next for that is gone until he wills different.

We tried the first step of being a support peer for people with mental illness. That didn’t work. Too many obstacles, so it had to end. Given to me were two long-lasting Christian friends there and more to come from the Church. Now I start training as a volunteer at a Hospice this month. I feel with God’s help we can endure. Time will tell if it works or not. We still have to be lead to places to find our gifts, where we can be used to glorify God the most. If  by his light we give hope for eternity to people through us, it’s what will be done. He will give me strength even though I have disorders (with stability). We know we won’t be a direct object of rejection and this gives us perseverance. Give all the rejection for the Lord we can take. What else can make us grow in his Loving-Kindness? Rest assured my growth will be gradual but, forever unfailing through the Gift of faith, Grace through Jesus Christ and The Almighty God, Amen.

P.S. Maybe the training will help with my own dad and family. My dad has a few months left with pancreatic cancer.

I found a church and a support group.

Last Sunday I was sitting here, listening to a sermon by John MacArthur. I looked up this church a friend had asked me to attend. I had checked before but, decided not to go yet. A few months back God convicted me on going to worship with unbelievers, so I stopped going to the catholic church. I had to go through a few things to get that done. So I guess I just needed a little more time to be freer to attend. I didn’t want to rock the boat all at once. My mom and dad are dedicated catholics. So after I read what the new church believes. I got ready in ten minutes and went. I felt very welcomed and joyous being there. They believe the whole Bible is true and the Word of God. The catholic church is not sure. Maybe Adam & Eve and Noah were story tales. They say the Bible begins with Abraham and possibly evolution happened too. They just aren’t sure. Well I am sure of the Bible 100%. I remember growing up believing those truths. So it was a complete wake up call. All these religions with their changes to adapt so people can enjoy going there. Good feeling religion without repentance and complete devotion to the Lord. All deceptions of the devil. There is no other way to get to heaven other than God calling you and justifying, sanctifying and glorifying you for His Purpose. Romans 8-28-30

When I came back here last year, I was in no shape to choose a church. So I went to theirs. God took it slow but, not to long after I was born again. I could not attend there anymore. I can’t thank God enough for the change he has made in me and my life. I went from dead (suicide July) to completely alive in the Lord. Nothing is to big for him and I trust him completely. He will never give us more than we can handle.

Also I found a good support group for depression, bipolar, etc. My friend and I went tonight. I also think going there once a month will be beneficial to my stability also. Well things surely have taken a turn for the good. My first time out was a terrible disaster, but God says keep going. What can I do I have no choice but, to listen and obey. Blessed be the Lord, Amen.

Are you going to heaven?


I hope many people watch this video. It says it all in your search for peace eternally. Once you realize God is Sovereign, you will be consumed in his Love for us. He sent his only son, himself in the flesh to make us worthy, to forgive all the sins of his Elect, Chosen by him from all Nations.

Death without Christ.

For my dad the sting of death is so near. I am a stranger in this land this family. I cannot do a thing to help them see. Mother was crying so much last night. He says he can’t eat or does not want to eat anymore. He just wants to die, for it to be over. I told her I gave her the way to help him and herself. She read a couple of pages of the Bible and said I already knew that. I told her before to keep reading, searching. Maybe she could have helped him by example. My sister said now is not the time, they are grieving for me to stop. My sister and mom watched the video of the old guy. Mom said he was just like the robber on the cross that accepted right before he died, totalling missing the point or not having God open her eyes. My sister is missing the point also. Mom says I am saved I have been a Christian my whole life, so is he. Saying and being a Christian are two entirely different choices. I am not giving up hope and prayers for them. I tried to explain the Holy Spirit inside, being born again. She thinks she is. God knows the difference. I asked her why she doesn’t want to talk about Christ and why she doesn’t want to read her Bible. She said I have read. I said yes, a couple of pages. Please, we all have our chance to seek him. Only he can take the blinders off and know in our hearts we truly, purposely seek him. It is not our choice to be called. It is his. There are Elect Christians out there and that’s who we Christians are seeking  to help turn the light on for the Lord. You never know when that will happen or Not. Praise the Lord I keep trying to spread your word as I am bound as your choice slave to spread your word. You are changing me daily with your total love of me. You and you only for no reason before this world began, chose me and others like me to worship you forever and ever, Amen. I gave my life gladly. If I didn’t it would be lost anyway. When the end comes and it will, if you don’t give your life you will lose it on the wide path to destruction. Only a  few of us are on the narrow road by God’s choice. (The way into the kingdom). Jesus’s words Strive to enter through the narrow gate, for many, I say to you, will seek to enter and will not be able. Luke 13:22-30.

Death of our bodies eternally to Hades or eternity in Heaven?

The minute she came back from church I knew she was very grieved.  She said all she does is stand there and cry. Dad has his head down all the time. The end is getting nearer. He drove today and scraped the car against my sister’s going out the driveway. Mom says no more driving for him. I said what are you going to do if he insists? “I won’t go with you if you drive.” He is laying on the couch most days. No words to say. We are all around him again this weekend. I guess that can help. Two born again Christians among unbelievers. I hope and pray there will be more. It’s not my choice it’s yours and theirs.

As I said the body is dying. The spirit and soul can live on in Heaven forever. Once you die without Christ, it’s to late. Say an accident takes you tomorrow. You didn’t make a choice for Christ, you take the elevator down in the end. This is serious. If you are listening that means you have the eyes to read and choose. He can call you anytime. Or he can leave you to your doom. He knew before the beginning whose name is in the “Book of Life.” If your name is not there you will perish and be cast into the pit. The elderly man in a previous post, tells you to choose. He saw hell and said it’s awful, please you don’t want to go there. He made his choice by God’s will for heaven. Are you ignoring the call. What are you afraid of? It should be God and eternal punishment. Repent and grow in Christ. He is the only way to the Father. Any other is a false. If your church is not studying the Bible and showing the way. They are deceiving you. They are run by satan and his minions. You can think this is all untrue, but in the end, you will see all to late.

God is Leading Me!

I feel God is leading me back to getting a job. I want to work part-time and volunteer also part-time. I have already applied for both. He wants me to make a difference somewhere. So searching is needed. He will work out all the details. I applied for a Hospice Volunteer position. I will have also applied for two customer service positions. I have been in that field all my career, so naturally that’s where he wants me to search. I have been sitting here daily, either reading and studying my Bible. I take long trips on my bike. I say hello usually to everyone I meet. It’s the way of letting your light shine. I have only met one fellow Christian that way. I met Darlene who is nearing ninety, a beautiful lady with a bit of forgetfulness. She is a go-getter for not giving up until it’s time. She tells me she can’t just sit in her apartment. Most of the elderly there do. She goes out three or four times a day and sits by the river. She enjoys God’s beautiful gifts. I feel the love of  the Lord in her. She doesn’t get defensive at all. So I can be the personality God gave me, without persecution no problem. I had met a nice guy at the center I used to attend. I still stay in contact with him. He is also a born again Christian. The only thing that bothers me is he wants more from me. I told him, “I am a spirit and I don’t live in the flesh.”  Besides that I am still married and will stay that way. I just don’t want him sinning because of me. I can’t be anything more than a brethren in Christ, a sister. I have met a wonderful couple that God sent me. I am enjoying getting to know them. She is also introducing me to another disciple of Christ. So from November until now things have completely changed. Forget that my whole life changed when God gave that effectual call and I answered with totally yes. Yes you can tell a Christian from others. They have that wonderful glow, inside and out. My brother is also and great support for me. He is coming Friday night for the Labor Day weekend. Praise and Glory to the Lord for all your Support, Love and Perseverance, Amen Lord Jesus. I read two new books. ” Follow Me” and “Welcome to the Family” by John MacArthur. Both are excellent reads.