I am fifty-five and it took all my life for him to call me to repentance and love in following him. Everyday I give Glory to him for rescuing me from the dark deep pit. Since my last near destruction, he has given me more than I could ever have dreamed. Peace in my heart and soul. Love and kindness and desire to do his work to serve others. It hasn’t been an easy journey to stability with bipolar 1 and PTSD, but with him all is possible. Today after nine months of therapy, I almost said goodbye to all of it. (God changed my mind and I am out of therapy 9/6/11). I feel I am ready because of the Lord leading me. I won’t need to rely on it anymore. I decided to stay until my dad passes, just in case. My psychiatrist released me to my regular M.D for Meds because, I am stable. If you saw me nine months ago you wouldn’t believe I was that person. Even with the complete estrangement from my family in Lebanon. I gave it to God. Believe me I still hope and pray for them, but I can’t do anything to make them see the full picture. To them it’s all my fault. I lived it I know that can’t be true. When you are bipolar, people who love you should help both you and themselves to understand. They should be willing to do whatever it takes to help get you stable. They have to realize if anything that pushing your buttons, is not in any way a help. It would have been better to say, “I am sorry, but we can’t deal with you. You have to go.” Yes, I was sick, I needed help”. I still get touchy when people cross my boundaries, learning to deal, not to get in that situation. God gives love, if it isn’t comfortable for me, time to find someone else that wants God’s help. I will not be abused that way. I am a beautiful Godly creation as everyone else. Yet, we are all sinners in the eyes of God until we repent and follow his ways, through his son. The blood of Christ covers all of our sins. If you never get to the point of feeling, you are a broken-hearted sinner, worthless, and hated. Maybe he won’t find you, because you are cruising along. Just like when Noah built the Ark, and for over 100 years preaching repent. Just like Sodom and Gomorrah, cruising through life not heeding the warnings. Abraham asked God if he found any righteous would he spare them. Lot and his daughters only were spared. Then bang destruction.
It happened with Israel after years of disobedience. They are still his covenant people. Destruction will happen again. You know something is not quite right. You are searching for deep love and forgiveness that will last eternally. That is in God, only through Jesus Christ. I know that is the way. It happened for me. I wouldn’t change a thing in my life because, I could not have suffered enough for what he did for us. Life eternal no tears, no fears, no pain, no hate, pure happiness in worship and fellowship of the Lord God Almighty and his few Elect people. Let him open your eyes if possible, don’t wait.