As usual fighting words again. I was sitting in the other room and they were running down my Christian brother. I said he is not here to defend himself. I was told to be quiet in so many words. So they kept it up and I left. My dad made fun of me because I’m bipolar and it’s either fight or flight. I took the flight to my room again. I told my mom, I want to move out. I know I will go crazy and end up back in the hospital. My dad is so ate up with hate and bitterness. He doesn’t care what he says or who he says it to. So after a discussion, my mom comes back and tells me my dad feels I am punishing him. If I leave they won’t sleep at night. He said he’ll be dead soon anyway. God says he is already dead. I can’t ask why it’s none of my business. Only who he has chosen will be saved eternally. I pray that for my dad. If only his eyes would open and see it doesn’t have to be this way. God came to save the sinners, the broken-hearted, the weak, the lowly, not the self-righteous. Dad’s always right. We are always wrong. We have to let him dish it out and take it with no response. I don’t want him to die and not be saved. I can pray all I want, it’s not my choice. I told my mom I will stay but, he can’t talk to me anymore. I can’t go crazy bipolar again. I have come so far to be stable with the Lord’s help. I have a hard time greeting insults, with love. I am still a sinner. Lord give me help with this. Give me patience, help me endure. You have suffered so much more than me. Help me to suffer through this and keep my mouth closed. In Jesus’s name I pray. This is my outlet for my grief. My families are broken apart and I can’t do anything to fix it. I have to trust in the Lord only. I will stay in my room as much as possible or go riding. It’s my only outlet for now and my Bible with words of strength.