As usual fighting words again. I was sitting in the other room and they were running down my Christian brother. I said he is not here to defend himself. I was told to be quiet in so many words. So they kept it up and I left. My dad made fun of me because I’m bipolar and it’s either fight or flight. I took the flight to my room again. I told my mom, I want to move out. I know I will go crazy and end up back in the hospital. My dad is so ate up with hate and bitterness. He doesn’t care what he says or who he says it to. So after a discussion, my mom comes back and tells me my dad feels I am punishing him. If I leave they won’t sleep at night. He said he’ll be dead soon anyway. God says he is already dead. I can’t ask why it’s none of my business. Only who he has chosen will be saved eternally. I pray that for my dad. If only his eyes would open and see it doesn’t have to be this way. God came to save the sinners, the broken-hearted, the weak, the lowly, not the self-righteous. Dad’s always right. We are always wrong. We have to let him dish it out and take it with no response. I don’t want him to die and not be saved. I can pray all I want, it’s not my choice. I told my mom I will stay but, he can’t talk to me anymore. I can’t go crazy bipolar again. I have come so far to be stable with the Lord’s help. I have a hard time greeting insults, with love. I am still a sinner. Lord give me help with this. Give me patience, help me endure. You have suffered so much more than me. Help me to suffer through this and keep my mouth closed. In Jesus’s name I pray. This is my outlet for my grief. My families are broken apart and I can’t do anything to fix it. I have to trust in the Lord only. I will stay in my room as much as possible or go riding. It’s my only outlet for now and my Bible with words of strength.
I wrote to my daughter and told her she needed to make her choice through Jesus for God. I told her I hope God has chosen her in my words. That she needs to turn away from the music she listens to because, it is all evil. I told her that concert she went to was all for taking kids to hell eternally. The words in their songs are obvious if you listen. I gave her some Bible verses in Matthew 24:1-51. I told her salvation is personal and everyone has their own choice to be responsible for. Her dad has nothing to do with that. His choice is not hers. In assurance that she read it. I also sent an email to her aol account telling her, I can’t believe the things she writes on facebook, swearing words, hateful remarks about her friend. I took up for that same friend before and after I became ill. My daughter is doing the same thing as everyone did to her friend. She told her every time she talks to her she can feel her brain cells depleting, such love. Maybe they are not close anymore, I wouldn’t know. Her other friend, one of the twins who caused this all by being abusive to others, has never learned her lesson and still puts the same friend down and others, I’m sure. I hope the girl who is being abused confides in her mother this time. I would pray her mother looks at her daughter’s account, since she’s been through this before. She should see what people are saying to her and put a stop to it, including my daughter. Her daughter is going to be affected the rest of her life already. I lived it I know. You feel what is wrong with me? Why are people teasing me and outright mean to me? Why am I am not liked for who I am? It’s a terrible way to lose your self-esteem. Some people can let it roll off their backs and others can’t. What is my daughter doing? She is a bystander and a contributor to this girl’s hurt, a bully.
I love this girl. She is a beautiful soul, that God will draw to him one day, just like me. She will be broken-hearted, feeling worthless and hopeless. In her misery she will give up and ask him for help and give her burden to him. She will not be able to do otherwise. I have faith I will see her in Heaven. If her mom isn’t up on this or playing it down. She won’t confide her hurt. The same as before when I saw it and told her mom. Please Lord, I pray hard for her to turn to you.
I pray hard for all, knowing not many will come to salvation because they think this world is so wonderful. It’s the haven for living in the flesh for the evil one. Going about your business as usual. Never thinking the time will come and you will be caught unaware, too late. It’s all spelled out for those the Lord allows to see and have turned to him when he calls them. It can’t be a superficial repentance. It has to be a complete trust and total reliance on him and the most important is you will live the change because he works through you. Without that you are going on with your life as usual without true submission. That’s what happened when Noah built the Ark. He kept telling the people to repent for a hundred years. They did not listen. The flood came and destroyed all the evil ones. Only eight people, Noah, his wife, their sons and their wives were deemed righteous enough to live. Genesis Chapters 6-9. The same thing for Lot, Abraham asked God to spare any righteous. Only his nephew Lot and his daughters were spared, his wife looked back and was turned to a pillar of salt. No trust in the Lord. God rained fire and brimstone and destroyed all in Sodom and Gomorrah, for unrepentant sins. Genesis 19:1-29. For some the price is too large to pay. In the end all the things they care for in this world will be gone. They will be suffering eternally and begging for forgiveness. Too late you had your choice. You didn’t care to hear, to search or find him. He seeks you first and you obey. You will be on his right side or his left at judgement after the Tribulation, for the Kingdom on earth. That means you are either a sheep on the right or a goat on the left. The left will be sent to eternal hell. Why even go through that? Believe without seeing and you can be saved. Give your whole heart and soul to him. He chooses you.
In the end of what I wrote to my daughter. She took almost all the bad things off her facebook. I’m not sure the reason. Her dad or God. Time will tell. It’s not for me to say. She seems to have unfriended me on messenger social. I can only pray that the Lord’s plan is for her to repent and for many more to come to salvation. I trust you with my life Dear Lord, totally. In yours hands, I am dead in the flesh but, will live eternally. True Christians can’t wait for that time. We have to wait patiently and always be ready. For no one knows the date or time, Only God, Amen