What’s the Deal?

I want to be independent again. This can only happen if I take charge of me. I have mom and dad to take care of. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind. As I said I can’t stand the nit picky things, that drive me crazy.

I just have to argue every point. I feel I am very stable except when people try to, make me them. My mom said she never spent money on unnecessary things all her life. I bought two music tapes totalling $20.

I said before I want this one certain position.  As far as I know, no one was been decided on yet. My brother says to be patient and that it takes time. He is one of my best references and has not heard a word yet. I wish I wasn’t bipolar and my dad says stop using it for an excuse. When will people realize when you argue with a bipolar you are upping their anxiety. All I want is a new pair of glasses. My mom says I am spending to fast. I say I am trying to work so I won’t. When is getting glasses an unnecessary expense. Mine are killing me they are all scratched up and bent, putting huge dents in my nose daily. It hurts darn it. I have to fight for everything, explain everything. I am just griping, it feels like old home week sometimes. Reminders of hurtful times with my husband. I don’t like it when people get extreme. Who wants to hear take all the money I gave you so far and spend it all? I am not spending that much. I get frustration, anxiety, and have to take pills. I had to go take my lamictal just now. Then later night-time meds. No breaks coming on those. Guess what tomorrow’s my birthday. I hope it’s a day without grouching. I can’t stand that. Mom saying I don’t need to go to the activity center everyday, but I want to. I want to show that I really want that job. I have to go where God is sending me and right now I feel it’s there. I am getting my glasses ordered tomorrow. I wanted two sets one regular prescription and one sunglass. I have to settle for a clip on the regular glasses because, it’s a waste. It was not to me, but compromise I must. GRRRRRR. For Steph. I miss you!

Update I got both. Thanks God.

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3 thoughts on “What’s the Deal?

  1. I was saddened by the suicide of Robin Williams yesterday and thought of you, as Robin was too bi-polar. I wrote the following to some in the media like Beck, Hannity, and Charlie Rose who had his whole PBS night show dedicated to Robin. There are books I’d read years ago by psychiatrist/author/bi-polar Kay Redford Jamison who is at John Hopkins Hospital and used to be on talk shows. But you have one here who “gets it” as I saw first hand with my son. I know you too get down, but don’t let it beat you. I know in my heart the state Robin had to have been in before this act, as I saw in my own son. Take heart…you are loved. Trust God.
    Email sent to media:
    I lost my son at 19 to suicide in 1999…who was at 17 diagnosed Bi-Polar. What you don’t
    understand about Hollywood..(AND I AM NOT STICKING UP FOR THEM BELIEVE ME!) IS they are CREATIVE PEOPLE…Most not all who have bi-polar go into acting, writing…etc. or Art…

    If you think back to some hilarious Mork and Mindy shows you will a very “manic” person who was in fact in “mania”..On his highs..he was a creative genius…on his lows…and he like my son, Pastor Rick Warrens son…hit the rock bottom of lows. Drinking? Drugs? Most drink..(my son too) .Psychiatrists refer to it as “self medicating” They want the pain to go away on one hand, but on the other do not want to be on meds that would help them because it would
    take away that improv and creative genius…the mind wouldn’t work like it did in his own mania..,.Remember too, Jonathan Winters on Mork? Well, they were a riot together…fed off each other…both bi-polar as all get out, The writers couldn’t get them to stick to a script…Jonathan once in a full blown manic attack, climbed the mast of ship in NYC
    harbor…nude..They threw him in Belleville. Both these men always clung to their wives of many years who I would presume were their sanity. I really feel terrible about Robins death. He was a tremendous talent.

    Don’t judge them all Glenn..My son too went through hell. And at 18 out of courts and a residential treatment ctr,.,.ended up working for a drilling and blasting company…Isn’t that great for a bi-polar? Well, thats how he died; stole 6 sticks of dynamite and blew himself up in the woods nearby. I ended up with a mini stroke.

    Charlie Rose did a piece on PBS on Bi-polar authors…there were many! Including my favorite, Ernest Hemmingway and his niece Margo. Then Fitzgerald, O’Neil…Styrone..many many…Robin, and all the others, including Catherine Zeta Jones, Carrie Fisher, Patty Duke..Jim Carry,.all bi-polar …A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE OF THE BRAIN. IT is genetic…usually from the father.

    Check out this…the best site I found years ago.
    http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.bipolar.html

    Bi-polar and alcoholism (“self medication” ..and unlike you Glenn, they can’t stop)
    http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/arh26-2/103-108.htm

    http://neurotransmitter.net/bipolarsuicide.html

    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0679763309/psycomnetdepress/

    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0553560727/psycomnetdepress

    Famous people with bi-polar (mood disorder)…a Terrible illness.
    http://www.pendulum.org/information/information_famous_writers.html

    • Thanks for these and thinking of me. I will check them out. I knew about many of these people. I hope this brings more attention to these disorders. At least, with the loved ones who should know better in their treatment during tragic times in the families. All I was told was I am not walking on eggshells for anyone. (My husband on me). What do u do run (I always have). I recently met my new psychiatrist. She said I am BPD, I agree.

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