Every Holiday, a sad reminder

That’s the way it goes though. I have been through Christmas, New Years, Easter, Mother’s Day (today) and my upcoming birthday. They say we bipolars have reminders of anxiety, well that is truly true. Unlike the Holidays before, I’m not going to sit and cry. I did that yesterday. At church our wonderful priest, had all the mothers stand. He had the others lift their hands and gave us a very wonderful blessing. So guess what I got recognized for being a mother and no one could deny it. Of all the hurts in life, your kids denying you because you are bipolar hurts. I am looking at the bright side of it though. I have heard that all children go to heaven that die as infants or before they are born and I have two waiting there for me. I will have my joy and love forever along with the Lord. As most of us Christians I can’t wait, but I have to for no one knows the date or time of the second coming of Jesus. I found comfort again today. Praise the Lord God. Honor thy father and mother. It doesn’t say if they are bipolar don’t honor them does it? I didn’t think so.

I sent her an Easter Card and she never opened it and one to my son. So weird today I got notified they were never opened. Of course, I already knew that. I will send her a Birthday greeting when it comes time. She is still my daughter and I Love Her. My stepson although, he’s been instructed to or afraid to talk to me, still opens everything I send him. I haven’t lost his love. He always told me he understood my mental illness because he has ADHD with mild autism. We are sort of souls tied together. To bad he is afraid of his dad at twenty-one. I feel afraid for him. 

 I am hurt and need to write my feelings down. It gives me solace that I am not alone and have been hurt very deeply enough to want to end my own life and survived it. I can say God’s hand was upon me and will always be and on many elect others. I don’t know but, I think if you hate others in your heart and don’t forgive them, you are not repenting of the your sins of the flesh. You are not repenting and you and not letting the Lord lead you life. I pray many souls including my families will be won by the Lord. It is up to him not me. I can only be an example and let my love for others shine. It took me long hurtful lessons for that flicker of light that is in everyone to grow brightly. Once you give your whole self he does wonders in your life. We are all sinners and fall short in the sight of God. Jesus became man in the flesh and died for us, so we could be forgiven. We only have to believe and be as a little child growing in his spirit, because we are reading his word. He will mold us and we can rely on him in everything. He knows what we need.

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