Too much to ask

I asked my daughter and step-son to write individual notes of sympathy to their grandfather over a week ago. Today I get one from my steps-son on their behalf. Every sentence began with a lower case letter. He is not the real grandson. My parents treated him like one though. She is the grand-daughter. Lord, she hates me so much. She can’t even say good-bye to her grandpa. We are not sure how much longer he will live. Guess that goes to show me my daughter controls everyone. She has a fit when she doesn’t want to do something. Yeah, we brought her up right okay. We gave her everything she ever wanted and more. He and I spoiled her. All she had to do was have a fit. I had to sleep with her until she was twelve, because she never learned to console herself to sleep as a baby. My in-laws came for a four-month trip when she was less than a year old. The mother said please don’t let her cry herself to sleep while we are here. I should have said mind your own business. I had just met them.

 That’s all it took. I couldn’t ever break her because, my husband had to get up in the morning to work. Poor poor soul couldn’t even give a weekend to break her. Then I was the bad one if I fell asleep with her, waiting for her to sleep. Parents if you are listening don’t give into babies when they cry in bed. They will learn to comfort themselves. If not you’ll end up like me. With a daughter that could spit in my face without a second thought. I am just so upset, I can’t believe this. If it were the reverse I would be e-mailing all the time. Even if we are separated and I told them it was all my fault. I’m bipolar and went nuts. I took all the credit. Give me a break. You can’t even bring yourself to type a nice sympathy note. It’s not even to me. I’ll have to have my next of kin notify them when I die, wait I don’t have any. They can find out after from my sister or brothers. My mother is seventy-nine. She is likely to not be around either.

My mom says don’t expect to much. I guess I’ll take her advice. I have been writing on and off for four months not knowing if it’s read most of the time anyway. I need to give up but, I just want to have hope. What if months turn to years and then to ten years? That is sure to happen if we are still here. Maybe I’ll hear from a stranger someday, who knows. I sure don’t know. Lord, give me hope and faith to get through this again and again.

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