Up and Down and All Around

I feel like I’m on a seesaw. I talk and get cut-off. Talk and get shut down. Talk and no ones listening. My brother came to see dad. He went and put his headset on at the computer shortly after he got here. After a bit he came back and said I hate this show. I can’t stand it. Why not say please change the channel. We wouldn’t care. I think this is really going to take a toll on me. I could go walking but, then they worry about me. No way of satisfying anyone. So here I sit writing down my feelings. I felt like crying and then got angry. I was talking to mom about giving a gift to someone else because she and I didn’t want it for cleaning an older lady’s driveway this winter. Telling her then it’s a gift that keeps on giving. I had my hand on her leg and she pushed it away and said my dad doesn’t like trivial chatter to stop. Then I wanted to cry again. I see what everyone’s going through and this just the early stage (not sure about that either). He’s been feeling sick longer than January. I’m just going to keep writing to myself and airing it Mondays with my therapist. Try to keep my motor mouth shut about my opinions on how to deal with things. That sadly no one wants to hear..

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